When do you stop?
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8/10/2011 11:21 PM
BabyHope, I'm so sorry you feel that you carrying the burden alone. I also handle most of the appointments by myself and my husband is not long distance. So, I think it's just the nature of being a woman, we handle all the appointment making, regardless of what it is for. But I have to ask, why do you feel like it is your fault that your relationship is suffering? Just know that the infertility is NOT your fault. I'm sure we have all felt that our bodies have failed us in our quest to become mothers, but in almost all cases, it's nothing that we could have prevented. For some reason, I have always had a gut feeling that I would not be able to conceive. Now, I've been married for almost 2 years and we have been trying to conceive...I'm 36 and have never been pregnant. To put it delicately, there were several times in my 20's that I could have ended up pregnant and never did. I was not trying to get pregnant in my 20's, so at the time, I guess I had "good timing" and lucked out quite a bit. I think because of that, I got it in my head that I must not be able to get get pregnant for some reason, and now, it's turning out to be true. We've gone through 3 cycles of IUI, all with BFN's! I"m not sure if we are going to continue trying IUI, move onto IVF or jump straight to adoption.

My point is, you are not alone....there are so many of us out there that feel like we are....but just glancing through this forum you can see that you are not. There are so many women that are willing to be supportive and lend their ears (or eyes) for all the venting and stories of failure and also to celebrate the successes.

Stay positive!!

8/10/2011 10:32 PM
I can't tell you all how good it is to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way. My partner and I have a long distance relationship and he agreed to TTC because I have always wanted a baby. He has two children already. We've been trying for three years and after various medications including two different injectible combinations and one miscarriage, we're down to our last IUI cycle and I've never felt so alone. Because of our distance, I handle most of the appointments, etc. by myself. I'm going to be 42 in three months and IVF and adoption are financially not possible. The anger, frustration and sense of failure are overwhelming and I've carried the burden alone. Our relationship has suffered and it's my fault. I thank you all for sharing your stories because, for the first time, I don't feel alone.

3/17/2011 3:59 PM
Wow, it's amazing how we all have so much in common. I know these comments were posted almost two years ago but if any of you are out there I'd love to hear an udate on your story.
I was married and tried to conceive almost seven years into my relationship. I waited almost two years for him to be "ready". We tried over three years and nothing ever happened. I saw a specialist once and left it to faith. Luckily it didnt happen because we divorced. I met my partner now and after three years of seeing each other we started TTC. I have done the Clomid process for a few months, IUI's and this past month decided to take a break. I've stayed off this site and away from all those things that remind me of the topic that makes my heart ache. My co-worker whos been married less than a year is having her baby shower today... so here I am again. All the emotions and feeelings that come to mind/heart no one can express fully until you go through this.
If any of you are still trying - God Bless you for being strong enough to hang on to this. I hope to hear some success stories.
Adoptions: How did those go for you ladies? I've considered it several times but my financial status doesnt allow this, or the IVF, yet.
I pray for all of us going through this - may we and our spouses have patience thru this and may our relationships grow stronger as a result of it, and not apart.

11/28/2009 7:21 PM
I have been reading all of your posts for some time. I feel for you all. I too have been TTC for about 5plus years. My husband has 3 children already from a previous marriage, I wasnt ever married before him. We have been thru 6 cycles of IUI, 3 with clomid and 3 with Follistem. I am 38 now and my husband is 42. We have just had a meeting with our Doc about what to do next. He said we can keep trying the IUI's or try IVF. Although the doc told us that my estrodial level is too high, which is one sign of poor ovarian reserve, he said that I get an excellent count of follicles when I use the Folistem and only using a very small amount too, which is a money saver on that medicine. So now we have to decide if we should go ahead with the IFV or just give up. What makes it even harder, is that my husband and I were in the middle of trying to build a new home. So we are now we have to decide if we want to skip building a new home and try IVF, which of course isnt a garentee, or if we should continue with us trying to build a new home. I believe I want to have a child just a little bit more than my husband, because I have no children and he does. But then again, maybe that is just my crazy feelings getting in the way.

7/6/2009 4:02 PM
I have been a "reader" on this website for a while but am a relatively new participant. I can totally relate to the frustration, tears, emotional roller coaster, etc. that we are all on. I am 41 and have always wanted to have a family. I met my husband (who is 10 yrs. older than me) in 1996 and married in 1999. He had children from a previous marriage. I had never been married. Anyway, it took me until last year to convince him to have a child together. We jumped through all the necessary hoops. I lost weight & got really healthy, did the Clomid challenge, he had his sperm aspirated as he'd had a VS before we met, I did acupuncture, gave up caffeine, alcohol, etc. After 3 IVF attempts (2 w/transfers) we are now starting on our next cycle. Like many of you, my husband is nearly "over" the whole idea. Because of our unsuccessful cycles and my age, we have decided to use a Donor Egg this cycle. It was a very difficult decision for me initially because I truly desire to have my "own" baby. After much thought, prayer, and private conversation with my own mother, I've realized that once this baby moves in me, it will be my "own" baby. This is probably our last attempt at IVF because it is financially so prohibitive. Sometimes I think what if I tried one more time on my own before going the donor route. Bottom line though, I really want a baby, and if this is my last attempt, then I want to do everything possible to increase my odds. It's hard to answer the question of when to stop. I can say though, I feel very excited and rejuvenated going into this cycle knowing my chances of having a successful outcome have gone from 5% to over 60% since my eggs will be 22 instead of 41! There is no right or wrong way when it comes to this infertility journey. Follow your heart and you'll know what the right decision is for you. Good luck!! May healthy babies be in all of our futures.

6/28/2009 8:12 PM
I am a first time poster and I am so glad to find all of you. My story is similar...Clomid for 5 months, Follistim for 6 or more (I lost count). All with no baby. We could not do anything else because of my ovaries and the expense. Like all of you, the worst part for me is the emotional roller coaster. I just want to have a normal day. I have run through all of the many emotions at different times of the month. I was finally feeling good when my period was 1 week late this month and I thought that I was finally pregnant but today it started so I am feeling sad all over again. Has anyone stopped the treatments and then gone back after a while? My husband is over it and I don't blame him but sometimes I wonder if it would work if we just tried 1 more time.

5/15/2009 9:03 AM
I'm a first time poster... but HeatherinOhio and Faithful hit the nail on the head for how to explain what this is like. I have PCOS and I've been thru Femara, Clomid, Follistim, IUIs, overstimulation, leftover follicles that shouldn't be there, etc., etc. etc. I'm sure all of you know what I'm talking about. My tubes are clear and my husband doesn't have any issues whatsoever. I still have a few tries left at it but I'm not optimistic whatsoever (and we're not doing IVF). This bothers me because everyone knows me as the eternal optimist. But I have no energy left to spend hoping this will happen.

SO, as part of my "healing" I've decided to get on with my life. I mean, I just have to. We're focusing what we're going to do instead of having kids. We are planning a vacation, maybe we'll buy a different house, maybe we'll get another pug. I've been drinking caffeine and alcohol (not a lot though, mind you..haha). I've even delayed my next cycle to next month so that the blood tests and ultrasounds didn't interfere with my Memorial Day week and weekend plans. I'll still "go through the motions" on this baby thing. I'll do the Follistim, the IUIs, and I'll do whatever the Dr. says I must do. However, the one thing I'm not going to do is dwell on this anymore and talk/worry/hope about it constantly. It's not controlling my life anymore. I'm just moving on, with the intent of making myself, and my husband, happy again.

5/14/2009 1:31 PM
I honestly can't tell you when enough is enough for you. But I can tell you that we are entering our 2nd attempt at IVF and this is it for me. My husband and I have been TTC since Oct 05 with no success. My doc told us to try naturally for a year which was followed by a fertility doc finding a non-cancerous tumor on my ovary resulting in surgery and a loss of that ovary. Cycles of Clomid, IUI followed by our 1st failed attempt at IVF Dec 08. I am now 38 and my husband is 46.

But I am at peace with my decision. My sister-in-law is due in Oct 09 and I have decided that if I can't be a great mommy, then I am going to be the best aunt alive and ride off into the sunset with my husband on our Harley.

Of course, I would rather be a great mommy with a playmate for my child, but I can't see living my 40's in the same panic that I have lived the past 3 1/2 years. But while we are at it - pray that this time it works!

2/24/2009 4:42 PM
After every negative cycle, I cry, rant and rave, stomp my feet, and say I'm done! And then the hormones wear off after a bit, and when I'm feeling back to normal, jump back to another round. I started TTC in Feb 03, so it is now 6 years for us. I am currently in the 2ww for my 3rd IVF cycle. If this doesn't work, I have 3 more tried left in my refund program, and then I will be done. After 3 medicated IUI's, and at that point what will be 6 IVF's, I am hoping I will be able to say, this is enough, I have done all that I can do. Hopefully my china adoption will be close to completion at that point (i have about 3-4 years to go from now to travel to china to complete the adoption) and I will be able to move on from fertility treatments and start living life with our adopted daughter. But I am still holding out hope that one of these cycles will work...

2/24/2009 2:03 PM
BTW, Cid, I feel your pain and am too trying to work out the anger, sadness, and disappointment. It seems hard to find people who truly understand what we go through with infertility. Best wishes is finding the understanding and compassion that you and everyone here deserve.

2/24/2009 2:00 PM
Hello, All! I too have gone through approximately five years of infertility and treatments. We have done 11 rounds of IUI (though one was canceled) and one round of IVF ...all with BFNs!!! My husband has low sperm count and low motility which often vary, but other than that it is "unexplained infertility". After the fifth or sixth round of IUI w/ clomid, I got an uterine polyp which required surgery. Still, we pushed forward with more IUIs on injectibles all to no avail. We then did one round of IVF. I responded well with follistem and we got 19 eggs of which 9 were viable, and ended up with just three embryo of average quality. Still, no BFP! Now that we are physcially, mentally, and financially exhausted we don't have much hope left for a pregnancy and child of our own. The one thing that I am thankful for is simultaneously looking into adoption and signing up with our county for a no cost adoption. It has required much work too....but an option that may pay off!

2/18/2009 1:04 PM
Heatherinohio - Don't give up and don't give in to infertility! We have very similar stories. I have been TTC for over 5 years now and I have been through clomid, surgery, and 3 IUI's (follistim and clomid). When we began my husband only agreed to clomid and he said we would not do anything else but as you see we have. Nothing has worked yet but he has finally agreed to try IVF this year (when we can save enough money because our insurance doesn't pay anything). This has taken over our life and it is strange to read your reply today because last night I was discussing this with my husband. We have spent the last 5 years waiting month after month to see if we are pregnant and missed so many opportunties to just enjoy life. I want to get back to the funloving person I used to be. I feel like people look at me with pity which makes me feel depressed. I dread babyshowers, birthday parties and most holiday's which I so enjoyed before. I have a wonderful husband and marriage and I would never want this to hurt my marriage for anything. It is hard not to get depressed and bitter but I am going to try to focus on enjoying my husband and the blessing that the Lord has given me. Hopefully we can save the money for IVF soon. We just can't let it consume us anymore.

2/17/2009 9:59 PM
I understand what both of you, and everyone else, is going through. I took the clomid and developed huge cysts on my ovaries. My estrogen levels were off the chart. The dr. wasn't sure if he needed to operate to remove them. He decided to wait and see what would happen over a few months. meanwhile I was taken off the clomid and wasn't allowed to do any IUI's. So there went 4 months of devastation. I had to do several tests which they think one of my tubes was blocked, they weren't really sure, it was a guess. Most of the cysts went away or just got smaller. That is when we decided to do the IVF. It took 3 months just to get in to see one of the dr.'s for a consultation. Then it too 2 months to get in to start the procedure. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. When all was done and they day came to find out if there is a baby I was so devastated to hear the words you are not pregnant. I wanted to do this again, hoping it would turn out differently. I lost all hope in ever having children and became quite depressed. Our finances just wouldn't let us do it again and I became mad. I think I have been all over the map of emotions. Now I just don't think I could go through another procedure and be let down again. It hurt so bad the first time. It was time for me to stop and to stop pretending it would work out next time. My life will never be the same again. I know there will be no kids, before this I had hope that maybe someday I would be a mom.

2/16/2009 12:00 PM
Heather.....I hear my own thoughts in your posting. I remember when this dream was a happy dream...and now it just seems sad and dismal. I am still struggling losing our IVF baby after two months. I'm sad, I'm angry and I just don't know if I can or want to do this again. But I do know that we have to let our feelings resolve themselves in what ever time frame it takes. I don't know what the stages of emotions are....but I have been thru devistated, denial, emotionally wrecked, sad, hating God, angry, and am on Very angry right now. I am seeking guidance thru a therapist as I can't do the depression. I know that my life will >never< be the same as it was before IVF and our loss....but I know it can be just as good, and include happiness...someday. Please find your way back to happiness. Maybe that means seeking help. I wish you the best and want you to know that you are not alone. There are SO many of us out here struggling with our own emotions. It has helped me to open up.

2/15/2009 2:35 PM
I have not spent as much time TTC as most of you but I'm tired. I waited 5 YEARS for my husband to want a child and the joy of TTC soon went to misery because of my unexplained infertility. 4 rounds of clomid resulted in follicles each month but all were BFN. I'm now on my 2nd round of Follistim in the 2WW and if this is a BFN I don't know to continue or not. I know that this decision is different for everyone but at this point I just want my old life back. I want the happiness I had before infertility invaded my life and took over. My RE will only do 4 cycles of injectables so I'm only at the halfway point. My husband and I are not interested in IVF so the road of TTC is almost over. The sad part is I am so beat down I don't care if I ever have a baby. I just want to be happy again.
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