Adoption Options
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5/28/2014 10:13 PM
JMac2....so glad my previous post helped you. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers that your baby comes home to you soon.

Nwells....As an adoptive parent I want to send you congratulations too as you are on your way as well! The labor may be of a different nature but it is there all the same. Your baby may already be growing! I could never have imagined when starting the process that I would be a mother to a baby boy in just 4 months!!! I understand the heartbreak that often proceeds getting to this place......so my advice is to exhale, let go, and enjoy this special journey towards your baby because now with certainty, it WILL happen. Recently for my son's first birthday we also celebrated his adoption finalization. I framed special quotes regarding adoption, love, and family and placed them around the room. A couple favorites read like this: "No matter how parenthood comes to you, it is a miracle", "Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come". Adoption is so humbling, and for me it has been a demonstration of God's grace, his hand in all of our lives, and ultimately how love connects us all. Many blessings and please feel free to ask me anything & keep us posted!

Continued Best wishes to everyone else in your family building journey!!!

4/22/2014 1:21 PM
Hi khayes, thank you for sharing your adoption experience. I, too, have a heart to adopt but my husband needs to exhaust our efforts with Natural IVF before he can wrap his mind around adoption. I'll keep your encouraging words in mind when that conversation finally takes place. Bless you and your family!

3/20/2014 11:03 AM
Hi Ladies,

I am new to responding to the board but have read through it many times the last several years for support. I wanted to post because I saw some mention adoption and I wanted to share my WONDERFUL experience with this after several rollercoaster years on the fertility circuit. I have had two ectopic pregnancies myself and the last one scarred my uterus rather badly, leading to asherman's syndrome. We decided to adopt even before knowing this though. I always wanted to adopt since I was a child, just not at the exclusion of carrying a child of my own. We finally got to the point during fertility treatments that I looked at my husband and said, "what are we waiting for?" I remember reading a quote that said, 'sometimes God doesn't change your situation because he is trying to change your heart'. It crystallized everything for me. My husband and I both agreed to begin the process of researching agencies. I work with young families and children, so I have witnessed all types of adoptions. I knew after my terrible losses I could not go through the public welfare system doing foster to adopt for the fear of having someone take my child months or years later. There are some children in the system where parental rights have been terminated already but often they are a little older. So if money is too tight, there is an option for you. I also have seen infant foster to adopt be successful, but there is a big risk. However I really wanted that experience of having a baby and with two older step children, it made sense for their bonding process too. So we decided on a private agency with a domestic adoption. We really wanted an open adoption and international adoptions make that option difficult to impossible. Well we went to our first orientation meeting in January of 2013, got our home study completion letter by early May 2013, and a week later received a phone call we could pick up our son!!!! We finalized 9 months later! After all of the trials and tribulations that fertility brought us I couldn't believe how easy adoption was. Hindsight being 20/20, I would have adopted from the beginning. However I know everything has a purpose and I wouldn't have the son I have, without going through this process. Most domestic adoptions cost between $15,000-35,000. However right now there continues to be a tax credit up to around $13,000/yr. if you make less that 250k a year (we still have to file our taxes for this year so I don't have exact numbers on this). Pick your agency carefully!!! Remember you are not buying a baby but a service. You want awesome social workers that really care about you and the birth families so that your adoption plan is stable and secure. With our agency we are a part of a great network of families and educational opportunities for the rest of our lives if we want them. The services don't end just because you have finalized your adoption. However your continued participation is up to you.

I know that often people come to adoption as a last resort or consider it sort of a booby prize after pretty traumatic family building experiences. However I promise it will enrich your life and expand your heart in ways you could never imagine. I wish you all the most luck and love in the world on your family building journey. I just wanted to support a way that worked for us and has brought immeasurable joy beyond what we ever imagined. XO

5/16/2013 10:38 AM
Also, a question for those that are still on their infertility journey... What are your thoughts on adoption? Is it an option for you?

5/15/2013 12:05 PM
My husband and I are nearing the end of our infertility treatment journey and are looking into adoption. There are so many questions regarding adoptions, it's hard to get started. We have known for some time that we wanted to adopt eventually, but we wanted to try having our own child first. We will finish this month out with our third and last session of IUI. We've opted to stop further treatment following this month's procedure and take a few months off from it all and then dive into adoption, (that is, of course, if we do NOT get pregnant this month). Our infertility journey started 5 years ago and it has taken its toll on my husband and I to the point we cannot handle the stress of the treatments and then the extreme heartbreak that follows when we test each month.

We have done some research on adoptions and I'm worried the stress of adopting will not be much different than our infertility treatments. With the little knowledge we have on adoptions, we are looking into any and all experiences others have had in their own adoption journeys, good and bad. Many adoption agencies have Q&A sessions, however, I feel that these will be biased and will not show ALL sides of the adoption process within their agency, including the bad. I feel the best advice can be from those who have gone through the process, not those that work for the agencies. I've noticed this forum doesn't have a lot of replies on the subject, so I'm hoping that some will reply to this with their experiences for us who are nearing the end of our infertility journey and starting our adoption journey.
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