A little freaked out right now.
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A little freaked out right now. Expand / Collapse

4/7/2013 4:15 PM
We've gone through the Follistim shots/meds/progesterone/insem's twice with success. Before that we tried pills & insem & failed many, many times.

There are so many people who are scared when they begin the whole process. It seems too huge, too many options, too many meds, too many procedures, just too much.

I'm not a good one to comment about the panic; I just took one step at a time. If I had to have a test, I had it. When I had to have surgery, I had it. When my ovaries blew up on me, I waited. When they gave me the instructions for the shots, I paid attention & practiced, & read the little instruction booklet multiple times.

My husband went to appointments when he could, waited by the phone for the play-by-play when he couldn't. He listened when I told him about the plans & procedures, he read the instructions on whatever we were given, asked me questions if he had any, and so, when I fell apart when my hormones changed during the 2nd day of shots, he was able to step up. In the end, he stuck me with the needle (the only part I couldn't do), and I was able to inject it, and that's how we got through the shots. (He also did it for all my shots the 2nd time around, & we went on to a 2nd successful pregnancy 2 years after the first).

Some women want to know your thoughts, including if you're worried...it means you're in it together even if she's taking all the physical hits. Some women prefer the whole stoic, nothing-bothers-me, nothing-to-say type guy. The only way you'll know is if you ask her & talk to her. If you're already doing what you can by holding her hand when you can, going with her to appointments when you can, learning about the processes, and keeping your cool when she cannot, then the only thing missing is the communication. And NOW is as good a time as any to practice. You can ask an entire forum what she needs right now, but truly, the ONLY person who knows the answer to that, who knows what she needs right now is your WIFE.

Going through infertility issues requires communication & teamwork, & being a parent requires communication & teamwork.

Our troubles didn't end with the confirmed pregnancy; we had a lot of issues throughout, multiple trips to the emergency room, extreme morning sickness, bleeding, pre-term labor repeatedly, two infections, one early, one at 23 wks, a hospital stay, a surgery-while-pregnant, gestational diabetes, etc. The ONLY way we got through everything together was because we were total partners & we were a team, & we only had that because of communication. Our 2nd pregnancy was almost as difficult as the first, but we got through it, and are contemplating, if possible, trying for another. But we never would have made it through the first 4 years of attempts if we hadn't been able to communicate & count on each other to be there when needed.

Best of luck to both of you.

4/5/2013 11:05 AM
From a woman's perspective what I need from my husband when I am starting/going through a cycle is for him to be the "rock". When I am freaking and talking a mile a minute about shots and tests and all the anxiety, I need him to be the calm and thoughtful, caring person who listens intently, says "I understand what you are telling me" and " i am here for you in every way and I'll do whatever it takes to make this better for you". It helps tremendously for me when he says "Tell me what/ how I can help you?" and takes me in his arms for a hug.
I know it may sound sexist and unfair but I expect during this emotional roller coaster that he puts me first and quite frankly, does his freaking out without telling me.
One day my husband mildly complained about having to have a blood draw for his hormone levels and I thought I was going to castrate him. Lol. After weeks of being poked and prodded, shot up with hormones that controlled my emotions, getting up at 6am to get to the lab for first morning blood draws and spreading my legs for every doctor in the clinic on a regular basis, sometimes when I had my period, no less, all I could think was, "Seriously? You have no idea, mister!"
Maybe I am selfish, but, yes, I definitely felt and feel like this time is about the woman. 100% about her.
I am pretty sure my husband got in the shower a few mornings and had a panic attack and/or threw up - he has never told me and I don't need to ask- that is what he did for me and I am so grateful that he held it together so I could be the basket case and be taken care of for once in my life.
Take care and good luck. Your heart is so in the right place and your wife is such a lucky woman.
This is just my experience and not my "advice", your heart will tell you how to weather this.

4/4/2013 3:17 PM
my wife is starting her first round of shots Sat-6th and we both are freaked out about the whole idea, she is over the top and I'm doing all I can as a supportive and loving husband, but it is not enough, what else can I do HELP !!!

1/3/2013 11:18 PM
I am a mixed bag of emotions. I just finished giving myself the second round of shots for today which is day one. Yesterday, when I was getting the the estradiol blood test and ultra sound I kept thinking "it isn't too late to quit now". I know a lot of my doubt stems from anxiety, primarily anxiety of the unknown. I think "failure" is also part of the equation as well. We can only afford to do this once (we are actually doing two egg bankings) so I have to make this work. I should state my husband is extremely supportive and doesn't put any pressure on me at all.

This evening we went to Whole Foods and I walked over to the book section and just so happen to pick up a book that had a couple and their newborn baby on the front. When I turned the book over to read the back I learned that they had gone through IVF however their doctor put someone elses embryo in them. I believe that the couple ended up having the baby and giving it to the biological parents..... So needless to say I put the book down immediately and I can't even tell you the name of the book. I was a little freaked out as the timing couldn't be worse and I couldn't help but wonder if this is some kind of sign from the universe. Has anyone else experienced similar doubts during this process? I'm typically a positive, rational person though it may not seem like it right now.
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