4/14/2009 12:20 PM
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Icgl - CONGRATULATIONS! I feel like you've graduated. Please stay in touch and on this board so we can get inspiration from your success.
NJ hopeful - I am your age and have the exact same story - never tried to conceive, husband had vasectomy, etc. That's great that you transferred three embryos. As far as what to do and what to expect, just take it easy. My clinic said not to lift over 10 lbs. and don't do heavy exercise. Also, don't use a heating pad and don't take a hot bath. Just use common sense. If in doubt - don't do it. You wouldn't want to kick yourself later thinking, "I shouldn't have done that." As far as pregnancy symptoms, they really vary among women, so please stay off the "Google" search because you will make yourself crazy. Some women get nausea, some don't. Some have sore boobs, etc. Everyone is different, so just stay calm, even if you don't have any symptoms!
Roxanne - Hi, I was never brave enough to do a home preg test. I know there is the danger of a false reading. I wish I could recall how long it takes for the trigger shot to clear. My clinic said to not do a home test because of the potential for wrong information. I know it is so tempting, so you'll have to decide. Just make sure you do the research to find out when the HCG clears from the trigger shot. And if you do decide to test, you may want to do several in a row. I think I've read that a lot of women prefer the FRED home preg test??? (You may have to look that one up.)
Ladybug - Way to go in handling the baby situation with your sister-in-law's new baby. It's so sad, because it's hard for us to be around babies, which is the very thing we want. Then, at the same time, we need to show happiness for others' successes. I have to keep reminding myself not to be selfish and to show the other mothers my happiness and support because it's not their fault I don't have a baby...did that make sense?
robyn8340 - I am so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to deal with. It's actually pretty devastating. I just had a miscarriage last month and only now am I feeling like myself again. Just keep the faith and have hope. If you have someone who is in this/knows that you did this, then I would lean on them. Only my sister knew and I leaned on her heavily for support. My husband only helped so much, if you know what I mean. They seem to move on quicker for some reason, maybe because they didn't physically have to do much or bear a loss. Tell your close ones that you are hurting. They can't change things, but they can listen. Really.
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4/14/2009 9:44 AM
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I had my 8 week u/s yesterday, two fetuses, each measures 1.5mm (exactly as it should.) They discharged us from the fertility center to our regular OB-- and gave us 2 little silver spoons. I am so glad that (god-willing) I will never have to set foot in that place again. I hope some of you can get some courage from my success story. Other people's success stories are what helped me the most to continue to believe that it could happen to me. It wasn't easy. In total we did 11 or 12 stimulated IUI's, a diagnostic laparoscopy, 2 HSG's, 4 fresh IVF's and 2 FET's. And we dropped a ridiculous pile of cash, but I wouldn't trade my family for a lake house or a boob job or any number of fancy vacations. I remember you all in my prayers. Good luck.
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4/13/2009 6:22 PM
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Hi Everyone,
My husband and I just received the bad news that our FET failed and we are not pregnant. Now it is time to start all over with the fresh cycle. Even though I am grateful that we are able to have this as an option, I am devastated AGAIN. We are starting our next fresh cycle in May, but for now I'm just sad and crying on the couch. Family members and friends can't really do much to make it better. I'm willing to go through anything and everything to become a mommy, but I just want to believe that it will happen one day for us!
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4/13/2009 6:21 PM
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Hi Everyone,
My husband and I just received the bad news that our FET failed and we are not pregnant. Now it is time to start all over with the fresh cycle. Even though I am grateful that we are able to have this as an option, I am devastated AGAIN. We are starting our next fresh cycle in May, but for now I'm just sad and crying on the couch. Family members and friends can't really do much to make it better. I'm willing to go through anything and everything to become a mommy, but I just want to believe that it will happen one day for us!
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4/11/2009 5:15 PM
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Thanks Ladybug. I appreciate the information and good luck wishes. I hope it all works out for you also.
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4/11/2009 11:51 AM
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NJ - As far as for the first few days after your transfer, I stayed off my feet as much as possible (pretty much just laid in bed or on the couch all day), let your husband wait on you so you can stay off your feet as much as possible, I tried not to do stairs too much. And thereafter up to the pregnancy test I didn't pick up/lift anything but light things and still did things cautiously, babied myself. Hang in there. Just do whatever the dr tells you to do (or whatever the dr tells you not to do).
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4/11/2009 9:47 AM
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NJ - The meds made me tired... I would take naps and normally I am not a "nap" person. I did not count on any of the symptoms I was feeling after the transfer and before the pregnancy test because it seemed as though some of the side effects from my meds were a lot of pregnancy-like symptoms. I suggest just taking it easy and don't do anything strenuous for the next couple of weeks. Hang in there, the wait is nerve racking, but we all survive the wait. Before you know it test day will be here. Good luck! I wish you the best.
All - well my sister-in-law had her baby 2 weeks ago, a beautiful baby girl, Gennavive, I've only seen the baby once so far and I think, for the most part, I did ok around her. I wouldn't hold little Genna as I was afraid I would start crying. . . not because my sister-in-law has a baby. . . but because I don't and I want to have a family so badly. I'm hangin' in ok, though.
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4/11/2009 9:31 AM
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Hello everyone.
I too am new to ivf. Had embryo transfer yesterday(one) and am cautiously optimistic. My hcg test is on the 21st. I have had several iui attempts that were unsuccessful although I have a 2 year old daughter that was conceived through iui on my 1st attempt. I tried iui without stimulation 3 times and used follistim on the 4th and was unsuccessful. I abhor the way the meds make me feel, bloated moody and stressed about getting injections at the appropriate time, etc. I am sad because I did not stimulate well and only 3 eggs were retrieved this cycle and only one looked well enough to transfer. From research I understand that my chances are slim at my age(43). I feel for you all, the effort, money and hope that goes into each cycle and then the devastating news. ... Does anyone know if I can do home hcg test and when....? Will the trigger shot give me a false positive? Do you think it is wise to wait for the serum hcg or can I test at home? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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4/10/2009 5:09 PM
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Hi I am new to this board. I just completed my first cycle of IVF (transfer was yesterday, 4/9) which is also my first time trying to get pregnant by any means. I am 42 and just married my husband in November 2008. The doctor told us are chances were not very good. My husband had a vasectomy 15 years ago so he had an aspiration on Monday (4/6) which went fine. They retrieved 7 eggs from me but only 4 were mature and only 2 of those fertilized. They were able to do 2nd day ICSI on two more and we got aother embryo from that procedure (one of those appeared to be abonormal) So they transferred 3 embryos (a 7 cell, a 6 cell, & a 4 cell which was a day behind the others). Embryologist said sperm was fine just not enough good eggs but he said the embryos we had looked good. I only stimulated for 8 days - I was on 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur that they increased to 225 on 5th or 6th day). After reading some of the posts I understand the weight gain though. It will be well worth it if this all works but I had just lost 60 lbs. Did anyone else feel really tired from the Meds? I felt like I could sleep forever. Pregnancy test is on 4/20. Are there any signs I can look for in the meantime? Yesterday & today I have been trying to lay down or sit as much as possible, I didn't even shower today because I thought that might mean standing for too long. Can anyone else tell me what they did in the few days after the transfer? I feel so uneducated about this compared to some of the other postings.
Thanks for any info.
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4/8/2009 3:27 PM
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We had our 7 week u/s yesterday. Now there are 2 heartbeats and they measure appropriately. I'm very happy. I'm still scared, not because of twins-- that fear will come later, but because I know that so many of you have been in this happy place only to have everything fall to pieces. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but I'm trying to enjoy it too.
Girlatheart, I'm proud of you for making it through the time you spent with a pregnant lady and a little kid. That is so hard.
What country are you thinking of adopting from? I looked really hard at the adoption option last summer. Then I found out that my sweet mild mannered husband, when he was 28 (but still apparently an adolescent), kicked in his cheating girlfriend's front door to tell her what he thought of her. He was charged with breaking and entering-- which was dropped the next day, and later expunged, but since he has been charged with a crime, we are not fit parents according to the adoption system. Lovely. So we went back to the IVF mill, and hopefully this will all turn out OK.
You must be wondering where the energy will come from to go through an adoption after going through this exhausting fertility hell, but I think if you can hang in there, you will find a child who needs you as much as you want him or her. It will be such an adventure and so rewarding.
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4/7/2009 2:09 PM
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Hi Everyone,
Icgl, hope you are doing fine and things are progressing well with your pregnance.
Hi everyone else! -- I think of each of you and your struggles and hope you are doing okay.
I've been out of state for almost three weeks. I went out of town for work and then stayed on another two weeks to see my mother and siblings. My husband stayed on a few days, but had to get back to work. It was a good trip. I haven't seen those family members in over a year! All last year, my mom kept asking when I was going to come visit. Since we were doing IVF, we couldn't really travel, let alone afford a trip. Anyway, it was good to be a "kid" again at my mom's house. I let her cook breakfast for me, etc.
I am (fairly) proud of myself. My sister-in-law's niece went to the beach with us. She is pregnant and is due in May, so she was very big. She wore a bikini and "it" (baby bump) kept staring at me, and me at it - ha ha! I kept myself together and even managed to enjoy sitting on the blanket with her. As most of you know, it is such a struggle to be around pregnant women and those with babies or small children. I also spent a lot of time with my 3-year-old nephew and it was very healing. I didn't have any type of sad emotions or anything (my sister knows we did IVF). So this was a big step for me.
I'm still struggling and can cry easily when I think of my m/c, but overall, I'm okay.
***
Yesterday, I submitted our application for International Adoption. It's just one of several options we are looking into.
We can also do domestic adoption, but I think it could take longer, plus the birthmother chooses you in most cases. So this feels like a lot of pressure - to audition in a way. And...the agency is a Christian agency where you have to complete some questions that are faith-based. I am worried that we aren't religious enough or involved in our church enough. I'm afraid to fill that application out. Seriously, the questions are really challenging. I worry about saying the wrong thing.
The last option is embryo adoption. The adoption agency has a program where you can get donated embryos. This seems like the quickest way, but it also involves the most risk, because there's only a 30% approx. success rate. It would be devastating to go through it and have another failure. This is sort of last on the list, if you know what I mean.
It's all overwhelming, and I'm trying to digest it all.
I feel like I'm having to do most of the work. My husband's on board, but it's me doing the paperwork.
On the bright side: When my sister dropped me off at the airport, she looked me in the eye and said,
"If it were me, I'd go for it (adoption). I'd knock on every door and do any possible thing to get a child. I wouldn't take no for an answer. Nothing would be a barrier to me. You are going to have to work very hard and it will be exhausting, but you should explore every single avenue."
Her words have energized me and given me a boost of encouragement.
Everyone, have a great day.
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4/2/2009 10:24 PM
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lcgl - just go with it. Whatever the case may be, 1 or 2 babies, I can only imagine how excited you and your husband would be either way. . . scary, yes, but exciting all at the same time. You'll figure it out. My husband and I were a little freaked when we first found out there was the possibility of 2 babies, but we didn't know for sure yet if both had taken, that was at an ultrasound at 5 weeks. I'm so excited for you, and envious, I hope that's ok to say.
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4/1/2009 3:25 PM
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Ladybug, I hope you can have at least some small bit of solace in knowing why your m/c happened. It's good that it's not a mutation that you or your husband carry, so it's not likely to happen again. Still it stinks beyond belief that that happened to you. Both twins had trisomy 15?-- must have been monozygotic.
I had my 6 week ultrasound yesterday (really 5 weeks and 5 days). There are 3 gestational sacs, but only two of them have yolk sacs. He said the two with yolk sacs look normal for dates, though one was a lot bigger than the other. So I guess there is a possibility of twins, but not triplets.
I'm still very scared.
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3/30/2009 7:51 PM
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Snowie - As soon as I figure a way to get him to move past the $$ and appreciate the big picture, I will let you know. I like lcgl's outlook.
All- I got the test results back today as to why I miscarried my babies, turns out they had an extra chromosome, chromosome #15 which always causes a m/c per the dr. This is one of those freak things that happen and is not a trait that I or my husband carry. I'm still sad, of course, because only about 5 weeks as passed since everything happened, but I no longer have that thought in my head that I did something wrong. . . that I caused the m/c, because it is now proven that I didn't. I could only imagine that is a common thought after a m/c. Now perhaps I can move forward and my husband and I can sit down and figure out where we want to go from here.
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3/30/2009 2:08 PM
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I told my husband that I would rather live in a tent WITH a baby than in a house WITHOUT a baby so we should just sell the house. Where are their priorities?
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3/30/2009 1:41 PM
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Ladybug- When you figure out how to get your husband to get past the dollar signs please let me know how you did it. Mine is the same way. He says we only get one try because he is not spending all that money again ...with as you said "no guarantees" I am frustrated to no end with him because he is having trouble seeing the big piicture and all i can see is B-A-B-Y.....
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3/29/2009 8:21 AM
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Thanks, Snowie. I've booked the hotel, now if I could just find a flight that is reasonably priced, I'd be happy. I live in Cleveland and the flights directly into Sarasota are a little more costly than if I were to fly into Tampa. We'll get down there one way or another.
So. . . I'm afraid I may be irritating my husband, all I seem to have on my mind is "baby". . . It's pretty much all I think about. I'm 38 so I don't want to let to much time go by before deciding what our next step is. I've told him that I would like to try again. I think he is a little concerned about dropping another $12k for another round when there is no guarantee. I need to get him to realize that he shouldn't be so concerned about to the money but to focus more on what this money could do for us, what the money could bring us, A BABY, and a baby is forever. . . there for the rest of our lives. I hop God will bless us some day with a child of our own.
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3/26/2009 10:13 PM
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Ladybug- I'm in Panama City FL and its GREAT weather here. A nice vacation spot. I think a little R & R from the stress is a wonderful idea. hope u have a good time
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3/26/2009 9:35 PM
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My dr told me if we want to try again, she wants to test our DNA as well. I'm still waiting for the analysis to come back from my m/c . After we get those results, we will determine where to go from there. I have been telling my husband that I really want to try again. Hopefully God would answer our prayers the 2nd time around. . . My husband and I have decided to take a vacation in May, a long weekend on the beach in Florida to clear our heads and forget about life for a while. I'm looking forward to a little R & R with my hubby, we really need it.. .
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3/26/2009 4:33 PM
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Congrats lcgl! Best wishes for you!
I have been away for a while trying to deal with my depression and anger. I threw myself into my work and now that spring is knocking on the door, I am starting to have better thoughts!
I have been seeing my EAP counselor and she is helping....but I am still angry. I also realized that venting helps, and venting on this forum is even better because of the level of understanding. But everyone....please seek help if you can't come to terms with this!
Ladybug - you are so strong. To have endured all the social obligations while at the same time picking up the pieces of your broken dream is amazing. I had to go to Holland 4 days after my miscarriage, and I totally agree that only when we slow down and acknowledge the loss, are we able to start the repair process.
Jhoppi - I got the horrible news at 8 weeks that things were not right. One of the things that my Doctor asked us to do after the D&C was to have our DNA checked. You will need to check with your health insurance as they might cover it, but it is usually only after multiple miscarriages. They covered ours even though it was the first miscarriage as they thought my loss was due to a molar pregnancy (cancer). Thank goodness it was not...but at least we got the DNA testing completed. All that it takes is a blood draw from you and from hubby. My rudimentary understanding is that they then have to grow the strand (which takes about 2 weeks). This allows them to check the number of chromosomes as well as the location of the chromosomes. Each partner contributes 23 towards baby. If your chromosomes are jumbled, or your count is off you may not be able to produce a baby. For us...it was good to eliminate one more unknown before considering dropping $15k on another attempt. If you don't have insurance, it will cost around $1300 - $2000 depending on where you go. Our doctor has an agreement with the testing facility so we could have gotten their discounted price of $1300.
So now we are facing the BIG decision. Do we try again, or just give up. I had my blood drawn just yesterday for Cycle Day 3....just to see what my fsh level looks like. I just don't know.......sigh~
Hang in there everyone!
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3/26/2009 11:14 AM
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They have mentioned the possibility of multiples. We transferred 3 embryos, but our RE thinks the possibility of triplets is still very low because of my age and our history of failed IVF's. I would be really concerned about my ability to gestate triplets-- my sinleton son was born a month early-- I'd be really worried about very premature triplets-- yikes. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see-- 8 more days to the first ultrasound. They also mentioned that initial twin pregnancies often end up as singletons early on. I'm so happy, but my anxiety level is still sky high-- I just pray that when I go in for that first ultrasound, there is at least one normal embryo in the right place.
Ladybug, I really can't imagine how torn up you must feel after a miscarriage. I'm wishing you a speedy recovery and success with the next go.
I think there are 3 reasons that this round resulted in a + for us:
1) We got Murphy's law on our side. We paid for 3 rounds plus any frozen embryo transfers. So we ended up wasting about $17K with success on the first round. (Not that I'm complaining.)
2) Acupuncture and yoga.
3) My father died on Christmas day, and a few weeks before he died we were talking about who he'd see in heaven. I told him to say hi to my grandparents, and I told him to mention to God that we are still hoping for another baby if he could do it without seeming impertinent. So I think he got us a little inside connection.
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3/24/2009 7:04 PM
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lcgl - Looks like everything is going well. I am happy for you. My husband and I haven't decided what our next step is. . . still recovering. . . I wish you the best. Please keep us posted on your progress. Since your hormone levels are high, did the dr mention multiple babies are a possibility?
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3/24/2009 3:28 PM
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Today my beta was 4250. I have another 10 days until the 6 week ultrasound-- can't wait. I think about all of you often and remember you in my prayers. I hope you all get your ticket out of this infertility hell very soon.
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3/21/2009 11:31 AM
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I finally got in to get my serum betaHCG drawn today (2 days late) and it's 1503, which the Dr. said was a really high number. I'm still having a hard time believing that this is true, and I'm still scared. But I'll take each day as it comes and enjoy this thoroughly.
Including all the clomid/IUI's and follistim/IUI's and IVF's and FET's this makes 16 cycles. Our 12th cycle (fresh IVF#2) gave us our son, and god-willing, this 16th cycle (fresh IVF#4) will give him a buddy.
I hope that this good news for me doesn't depress anyone further. I know what a total pain in the --- this fertility mill is, and I wouldn't want to make it harder on anyone. Nothing has given me more strength and hope through this ordeal than to hear of other people's success, so I'll keep you all updated.
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3/19/2009 9:44 PM
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CONGRATS Icgl!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you! I will keep praying that all continues to go well!
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3/19/2009 7:55 PM
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Ims - Thanks for the article. It describes everything I'm feeling and going through to a T! And it gives positive advice, one way or another we will all become parents. I really hope that is true for all of us.
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3/19/2009 7:42 PM
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Yay! Congrats Icgl. I was actually feeling nervous for you this morning when I woke up, knowing what this day feels like and knowing what the results are can change your life. My fingers are crossed and I will say a prayer. Ya hoo!!
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3/19/2009 4:38 PM
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Congrat Icgl....I am really happy for you. I will keep you and that new baby in my thoughts and prayers.
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3/19/2009 2:45 PM
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This is a link to an article/newstory that was done by one of our local stations. It really puts the entire IVF process into perspective as it relates to loss and how it is somewhat like grieving. A friend sent it to me and it really hit home.
I too just had a negative test and can relate to wanting to get happy and enjoy life again. Hubby tells me it will just take time. What I don't get is how they can act like it doesn't even bother them!
Hope this article helps!
http://www.ketv.com/health/10489743/detail.html
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3/19/2009 1:55 PM
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Icgl - Woo Hoo! That's great news about the home pregnancy test. I guess you go today to get tested at your clinic, eh? Keep us posted about your betas.
As I mentioned before, in the past I couldn't stand to get someone's "good news" because it just made me so upset. Although I em envious Icgl, I am glad to hear you got a positive home preg test result. I'm at a point now where, even though it's sometimes hard, I am truly happy to hear about everyone's successes because we have all been through such trying times.
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3/19/2009 12:43 PM
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Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement. It's been tough few days, but we are getting by. Our doctor has been wonderful, she explained to me that the eggs are starting to fertilize, but it looks abnormal, she is going to let it grow for a few more days so they can learn from this. We are making an appointment with her so we can sit down and discuss our next step. I am hoping for some good news so we can at least try again.
lcgl, I am very happy for you!!! I wish you the best of luck!! Take it easy and pamper yourself!!
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3/19/2009 8:28 AM
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I just did a home pregnancy test, and it was POSITIVE. I'm totally in shock-- elated and terrified. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers so much, please keep praying for me because these first few weeks are so delicate. I wish with all my heart and soul that each you will have success someday soon.
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3/19/2009 7:22 AM
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Icgl- I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. I hope you get a good answer to your test today.....
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3/18/2009 7:00 PM
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I just wanted to add to my prior posting that I appreciate EVERYONE's stories, advice and words of encouragement. It all has been very helpful to me personally and it is comforting to know I've got friends here at this website who understand.
lcgl - I will say a prayer for you in hopes that you receive good news tomorrow. I wish you happiness :o)
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3/18/2009 6:47 PM
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I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you this time around, Hope55. I suggest you and your husband keep your hopes of parenthood alive and make those dreams come true. Hang in there. We are all here for you. I believe it was GirlAtHeart that gave the advice to keep busy with other things to get your mind off all this fertility stuff and in order to move forward. I think it is great advice, though I can attest it is easier said than done. . . . but keep on trying to do things that help you to move foward.
GirlAtHeart - I wanted to say that I really appreciate your great advice and wonderful words of encouragement.
Everyone - here's an encouraging story for you. My best friend got very sick around the age of 12 and had surgery to remove the majority of her ovaries to save her (she had gang (sp?) green and it spread to her appendix and her ovaries). Anyhow, the doctors told her she would have a 10% chance of ever having children . . . well she has a 17 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. Boy were the doctors wrong on that call! So see, she was able to overcome her challenges and hopefully we all can as well.
Hang in there!
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3/18/2009 12:50 PM
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There is no justice. When I first started fertility treatments (ages ago) my friends said I should stop seeing that doctor and just drink a bottle of Boone's Country Farm (or Mad Dog, or malt liquor), or better yet, start using crack, have sex in the back of a pickup truck with somebody else's husband, quit my job and go on food stamps and welfare. I never tried that route. Maybe I should have, it seems to be effective.
At that time I was also working at an inner city charity hospital. It really killed me to see the 15 year old moms standing at the side of the isolettes in the NICU in their school uniforms.
It also kills me that my taxes and insurance premiums pay for a smoker's lung cancer treatment and a super-fat person's gastric bypass or arthritis treatments and a promiscuous adolescent's STD's or pregnancies, but no assitance for me for this problem that I didn't ask for.
While I'm on a roll... I've also been all fired up about a proposed legislation in Georgia where I lived now. Basically a bunch of bible beating (distorting) rednecks picked up their torches and pitch forks and tried to pass a law that would outlaw IVF. Due to tremendous outcry from the educated, it was diluted significantly, but in it's current form it could be interpreted that all frozen embryos must be transferred at some point even if the parents have achieved their family goals. The state could force them to donate to another couple.
Whew, I feel better with all that off my chest.
Also.. I'm supposed to do the pregnancy test for this round of IVF tomorrow. I'm so scared to do it. At least while I don't know, there is still hope.
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3/18/2009 1:28 AM
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Sorry for your loss, Hope55. I know it really hurts.
This whole process is like gambling in Las Vegas. It's such a crap shoot. You would think we'd be able to stop and enjoy some part of it, but it's too nerve-wracking. And then you get obsessed once you are in cycle.
We are sort of shifting to adoption (looking into it), even though we have run out of money. Somehow, if we went through with it, we'd find a way to make it work. I'm also lightly looking at embryo adoption from the NEDC. I got this packet and the cost is so much less than the $20k+ cycles we've been doing. I just hate that the success rates are not great, only 30% vs. a fresh donor cycle, which has a 60%+ success rate. Still, this might be an option. I just hate the thought of doing another round of drugs and shots. Just venting.
Alex - yeah, that Octomom story couldn't have come out at a worse time. I got a little wrapped up in it because she was able to have all those babies. And I have none!
Last week, I had to be around some work associates who come in regularly from Europe a few times a year. One of the women has a baby boy, so she brought him along. He's 9 months old now and I did well around him. This was a big deal for me and I was very proud of myself for handling it so well. I even held him a few times and managed some self-control. Yay Me!
Good Night All.
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3/17/2009 9:04 PM
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I am so sorry your luck was bad this time around. I totally understand what you mean about these young kids having babies. I had a friend who's daughter is 19 and has 4 children ( ages 5, 4, 2, and 1). The last two are exactly 1 year apart. The sad thing is that she is on state assistance and so that means I am paying for her children. That just rubs me the wrong way. What do any of you think about the unmarried, no job mom who just had her 8 babies? all 14 of her kids were IVF babies. I was so depressed and extremely jealous because she has 14 thorough IVF and I can't even get 1. There is no way we can pay for another cycle so I will never have one of my own. How did she get so lucky?????
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3/17/2009 4:13 PM
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Thank you for the words of encouragement Ladybug. Well, we got bad news today. They were able to retrieve 14 eggs, 11 of them were matured, but none fertilized. I am sad, frustrated, mad, all of my emotions are coming out. This is the 2nd IVF cycle that has failed, and I just don't understand why. I see young kids get pregnant all the time and I was trying to be responsible, wait until I got married and financially stable to start a family, but now it seems like I just can't. This has been a very tough day!!
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3/16/2009 7:06 PM
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My sister-in law is due to have her baby in the next few weeks. Not sure how I am going to handle that with miscarrying the twins only a month ago. Of course, I'm happy for her and wish her the best. . . I just keep wondering when it will be my turn. I crave parenthood so badly I can taste it and only hope God will bless me and my husband one day with a baby of our own.
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3/15/2009 10:27 PM
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I just found this website tonight and am already thankful. My husband and I are starting our first FET tomorrow after a failed fresh cycle. The combined stress of the medical protocol as well as the financial piece are getting to be so hard at times. I have two friends who have been through IVF and that is helpful, but they both have babies and I am still without one. I have tried to talk to my friends who don't have fertility issues, but I find that they don't know what to say or how to understand what I'm going through. Unfortunately, I'm finding that when going through an IVF cycle, that is all I Have to talk about. My life is consumed with treatment, but then I don't want to talk about it. I have never felt so many emotions before! It is nice to talk with some ladies who can relate to what I'm going through. There aren't any local support groups where I live and I definitely think that would be helpful.
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3/15/2009 9:33 PM
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Hi Ladybug and Everyone,
It's occurred to me that one minute, I feel really low and sad (and need comforting), and the next minute, it's me doing the comforting or giving advice on this website. I guess that's what makes this forum so helpful and therapeutic. We can go from getting support, to giving support, back and forth, etc. So some days, I'm needing advice, and some days, I'm giving advice. This helps me tremendously.
I have mentioned before that my older sister is the only one who knows we went thru IVF. We've told no one else. So it's been hard because it's just me and my husband, trying to deal with everything. My sister did ask me if I would consider speaking with a counselor, and I said I wouldn't be opposed to it. I haven't decided if I will do that, but it was a great suggestion. It also helps that my sister calls me often to check in and see how I'm feeling and how I'm doing. She can't solve anything and doesn't really try, but it does help that she checks in on me. Ladybug, it's great that your best friend is there for you. I would suggest you lean on her for some support. I couldn't get by without my sister. Some days, I'll text her and just say, "I'm sad," and she'll send me a few words of encouragement, which really help.
I'm not finished with my goal to become a parent, so I can't give up. I know I need to get more positive again. I do feel a little better each day. I will admit, it's hard to be around parents with young children or babies. I'm not looking forward to Easter, when we usually visit some friends and hang with their family members. There's an adorable grandbaby in the bunch and I don't think I could bear to go this year. I'll probably let my husband know how I feel. I think it could affect me very badly. I'm having a hard time being around babies at the moment.
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3/15/2009 10:52 AM
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Hope55 - I know your pain, my husband and I have been trying for about 2 1/2 years now. I've always wanted kids since, well, since forever. In high school I had it all planned out, I'd get married at a certain age, have this many kids, this many boys and this many girls (like we can pick what we want). I never thought I'd be 38 and stressing about whether or not I will ever have a family and feeling like time is running out. But I KNOW I still have time. . . But I suggest trying to think positive thoughts and just wait and see what happens. Technology is so much more advanced than when our parents were having children. I'm keeping positive thoughts for me and my husband and I suggest you do the same for you and your husband. Yes, I don't think guys take this all to heart as much as we do. I think women have more of that want to have a family instinct than a man does, which I guess is ok, however, guys just don't feel things the same as we do, which makes it hard for them to relate to us I guess. Keep in the faith and let me know how it goes.
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3/14/2009 11:58 PM
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This is the first time I am trying something like this, but you are right, there isn't a lot of people you can talk to that really understand what you are going through. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years. Our issue is low sperm count, and the doctors said the only way we can get pregnant is to try IVF. We started our first IVF cycle last October, it failed and the doctor told us that I had bad eggs and there is an 80% chance that we can't have a baby. It was devastating, I cried for weeks. Than one of my husband's friend suggested that we try a different doctor, we went in for a consultation and loved this doctor and their facility. She gave us hope and said that it is possible for the doctors to make a good egg bad, but it is not possible for them to make a bad egg good, she felt that I was over stimulated. We signed up for the 3 cycle plus in hopes to achieve success. I am worried because the doctors are going to be retrieving my eggs on Monday. I am scared that it would be true that my eggs is bad, I have all kinds of thoughts that is swimming in my head right now and no one who really understand to talk to. Don't get me wrong, my husband is extremely supportive, but sometimes a guys mind is just plain different than a girls. I am praying that this will be successful..................
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3/14/2009 7:12 PM
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Hi. This is my first entry. Reading all of your stories has been therapeutic for me. This forum may be my saving grace as I don't have any friends or family that have had fertility issues and have had to go to the extremes as we all have. I've been having a difficult time accepting what has happened. I got pregnant with my first IVF cycle in January, pregnant with twins (of course, very excited about that!). . . I had an u/s at 7 weeks (February 18) and we found out that both babies had stopped developing, both sacks were the size of 5 week sacks (instead of 7 week size). I had a d & e (pretty much the same as a d&c) on February 23. I am so emotional and no one understands. My best friend is the only one that has been through a miscarriage so she understands how I feel. But my family and my in laws are clueless. . . don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for their sake that they have never gone through this. But this leaves my options limited as to where to turn for support and venting my feelings. My husband and I are both so sad and he has been my shoulder to cry on. I feel guilty because I feel as though I need to be there for him, but I can barely even get through a day without crying or feeling so sad and empty inside that I don't even want to go out, I don't want to do anything but sit at home. I have to force myself to go to work and feel as though I am putting on an act all day just to get through the work day. I get home and I turn into this sad couch potato. I just cannot figure out how to accept and move forward. I know not much time has passed since the m/c and time will heal, but when will that be. I'm sure my hormones aren't back to normal yet, who knows when that will be and I'm sure that's not helping the way I'm feeling right now. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward? Any thoughts or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
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3/13/2009 9:29 PM
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GirlAtHeart - Thank you for sharing. It is never easy to open up - at least for me. I have learned and changed so much in the past year. One thing that helped me after the first cycle was actually Oprah's live webcast of the book, 'A New Earth' I can't say quite what in the book hit home but it really made a ton of sense to me to live in the moment and enjoy each day. I began to enjoy simple things in life again versus focusing on what I didn't have (a baby). After the second cyle and miscarriage, I was actually just too busy to think about it all...the day of my miscarriage, I was volunteering at a golf outing and we had a friend of my husband's in town. I tried to pretend that everything was all right but then a friend of mine was so excited to finally tell me that she was pregnant. In doing the math, she was due one week after when I was originally due....thankfully I was able to leave shortly thereafter and break down at home. Looking back, I really think pretending all was alright is what took me so long to be myself again. It wasn't until I really slowed down and did what I wanted to do, and focused on myself that made the difference. Months later I also had a very long and open discussion with my husband. I told him that even though we have the frozen embryos, I didn't know how much more I could go through. Emotionally and physically I was so drained. I really opened up to him and at the same time started focusing on myself with eating right and exercising again. Probably about a month later, we were cooking dinner and all of a sudden I just stopped and realized I was happy again. I was once again enjoying the simple pleasure of cooking with my husband - talking about our days or politics or whatever the topic may have been. When I told my husband that I was happy, he was so excited for me and said it was a very big step from where I had been. Stay strong and remember to follow your passions that you had before your life became all about ttc.
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3/13/2009 9:22 PM
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After all I've been through, I've starting doing something that at first I found hard to do: Praying for Thanks.
I was flipping through channels and came across one of those televangelist shows. It was a woman who was preaching and she said we needed to stop asking for things in our prayers and start just giving thanks when we pray, to just be grateful.
That's a bit of a hard one for me, because I've always used prayer to ask for more strength, or to help others. I've never really outright asked God for something for myself, but with everything we've been dealing with, I decided a while back to just start asking God for a baby. And now here's this woman on TV saying I needed to thank God, not bombard him with requests.
Well, even though I agree with her - we need to say thanks, I'm still praying for a child. I don't see anything wrong with leaning on God to get me through. But -- I will also say that her sermon about being grateful was a reminder/wake-up call. I have been reminding myself to be more grateful for everything. I've been letting God know.
Just sharing again...
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3/13/2009 9:06 PM
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Isn't that the truth! As I started to read the posts, I couldn't help but think 'Oh my gosh, I have lelt that same way! I am not alone!' Plus I like being able to pray for all of you as I feel like my prayers are constantly about my own situation...and starting to feel a bit selfish.
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3/13/2009 2:07 AM
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Oh it's really good to know We aren't alone in this Quest! Thanks for sharing your stories it really helps to know others are having a tuff time in this ttc battle. Best of luck to all of you and P.U.S.H . (pray until something happens)
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3/12/2009 10:16 PM
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Hi Jhoppi,
Something you said really hit me. You said it took you a long time to truly be yourself again. That's what I fear the most...having this really affect me and change me for good. That feeling of "I will never be the same" is very present.
It's sort of like when someone passes away. A person can get so wrapped up with grief, they forget about those still living.
I'm really trying hard to pretend to be better. It's actually helping some. I'm still a little up and down. Now, I'm having more good days than bad ones, but it's still hard.
Anyway, just sharing. I guess it makes all of us feel less alone.
Thanks.
Angela - How are you doing?
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