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3/19/2009 8:24 AM
I just did a urine pregnancy test, and it was POSITIVE. I'm really in shock. I'm shaking. I know that these first few weeks are delicate so please pray for me.

3/15/2009 8:52 PM
Ok so i am new to the forum and IVF. I read thru all of the posts and i was already frustrated half way thru. not with any of you guys bc i think you are all very brave and i wish you all the best. but i was frustrated with the insurance paying for a boob job comments bc i too tried to get my insurance to help and they found a clause in the policy that got them out of it so we are paying 100 % out of pocket . I dont seem to get any reaction from my husband except the OMG we are spending a ton of money. We start our first Lupron shots next month 4-20-09 then a week later our follistem begins. I am hopeful it works the first time bc i dont know if i can afford more than one try. I wish you all the best of luck. god bless

3/11/2009 1:58 PM
My husband is not waiting on me hand and foot. Poor thing has to go to work, because somebody's got to pay for all of this. My mother has been visiting, she's been a big help.

3/11/2009 1:55 PM
Yes, the 2ww is torture. One day I think I'm definately pregnant, and then the next I think it's impossible-- and I'm not really given to emotional swings. I will do a home pregnancy test. My fertility clinic is the most irritating place to be and I don't see any reason to drive 2 hours round trip when I have 2 UPT's in my bathroom-- also they charge $75 for a serum preg test. If the UPT is +, then I'll go get blood HCG drawn. We don't have any embryo's to freeze-- the rest were two scrawny.

Good luck with adoption Girlatheart. I think you are about to embark on the greatest adventure of your life.

3/9/2009 12:20 PM
Hi Icgl, thanks for the update.

To have three to transfer is terrific! Hope you are feeling well. The 2ww is torture, but make sure you take advantage of it and have your husband wait on you hand and foot!

Are there any embryos remaining in culture/to be frozen?

Good luck this week. When do you test at your clinic? Will you be tempted to do a home preg test?

I'll be thinking about you!

P.S. My husband and I are going to an adoption seminar tomorrow night. There are two agencies in town that I sort of identified that might be good. It's worth a shot.

3/7/2009 6:25 PM
Of our 14 fertilized eggs, 4 arrested, one was eight cell grade 2, two were seven cell grade 2 and the others showed quite a bit of fragmentation. We transferred the 3 best today. I'm pretty optimistic about that 8 cell one.

3/5/2009 11:31 AM
Icgl - Thanks for your kind words. Keep us posted. I'll pray for you.

3/5/2009 11:20 AM
Girlatheart, my heart aches for you. Your pain is palpable. I wish I could help you.

If you are ready to consider adoption, but short on funds and time, the foster care system may be an option. I know that there are obvious problems-- mainly that some of the babies end up going back to their unfit birth parents-- but it could be such an incredible gift to a child who needs you. My step sister has 3 foster children who are now adopted. Two of them have developmental delays (one severe and one mild) but they are all beautiful and delightful.

Hang in there.

We retrieved 17 eggs yesterday. Today they called and said that 14 had fertilized. I'm cautiously hopeful. We've always had loads of eggs fertilize, but often they look kind of sickly at 3 days. Except for our one magic cycle that gave us 6 blasts and our son. So I'm trying to think about that one good cycle and hope for the same as if wishing could make it so.

3/4/2009 10:25 PM
Compared to many of the experiences shared here, we fairly early on in the process - though it certainly doesn't feel that way.

We did yet another IUI almost two weeks ago, unfortunately I learned today that it didn't work yet again -- my "frenemy" is making an early appearance this month. It was our 4th IUI - though just the 2nd one using a combo of clomid/follistem. And though this is going to sound quite awful, but at this point being pregnant for a few weeks would be a blessing. At least it would confirm that I can indeed get pregnant.

I haven't told my husband yet... am I a horrible person? I've been upset all day, but don't want to talk about it yet since I don't think I could handle any comfort right now - does that make sense? To make matters worse, we found out this week that yet another one of our friends (a cousin this time) is expecting. Though I'm very happy for them, it's getting more and more difficult to hear the news... any advice?

I suppose I'll call my doctor tomorrow to figure out a new game plan. I have to go in next monday for a pregnancy test which I'm currently viewing as a form of torture. My doctor said that if I wasn't prego by this summer we were moving on to IVF - he isn't sure why things aren't working, since supposedly I responded well to the drugs both time. Both my husband and I are contributors to the problem. However, I'm not sure if we can afford IVF at this point in our lives. I have about a year of grad school left and my husband has been supporting us for the past few years... and the treatments we've done so far have realy eaten into our savings.

Out of curiosity, how many of you have been told you have PCOS? I've been told this is what I have, though the only real symptom I have is the fact that I don't ovulate every month. I've dealt with cysts in between treatments - however they're a result of the drugs. I guess I'm just a little frustrated that we've had no real diagnosis and yet still haven't had any success. At this point I'm so scared that I just can't get pregnant and I don't know how to come to terms with that.

Guess I'm just venting at this point. We haven't told anyone that we're trying and it's kind of hard not having people to talk to. However, it's even more difficult having to talk about it all the time... Thanks for listening.

3/4/2009 1:40 PM
Hi Everyone,

My heart was crushed on Monday. I got a call that my Beta level had dropped and to stop the meds. It was over just like that. I was five weeks pregnant.

I am devastated, but not defeated. My heart is broken at the moment, but I just need to get back up and keep going, because no one is going to do it for me.

I would like to thank all of you who posted comments, because even though we have different details, our stories are similar in that we all have the same goal - to be a mommy.

We have pretty much used up all our money - about $50k. I'm hoping we can give motherhood one last try by looking into adoption. We don't really have the cash for it, but I hope we will find a way.

It would give me great comfort for any of you in cycle to post your progress. I'm hoping to hear that some of you were successful.

It's funny, because not long ago, I wouldn't be able to stand hearing anyone else's good news. Now, I am ready to hear it. I know that we have all struggled and it would just cheer my heart to hear something good. Even if you have bad news, just share it. It will help you, and actually, help me too.

I have a request from two of you:

WackyJacqui - You said you long was the process? International or Domestic? How old was your child when you adopted?

LbandBuggy - You wrote that you were going to move along in your China adoption. Does this mean you have previously applied and just put it into a hold status? I read 3-4 years and didn't know if that meant your waiting period or your time period for going through with it.

Best of luck to everyone.

P.S. ** I am posting this in several areas on this website to make sure I reach as many of you as possible. **

2/26/2009 4:04 PM
Stacy, I don't think it's at all selfish to admit your concerns about how you would feel about a child that resulted from a donor egg. In fact I think it's really wise of you to be so open and honest with yourself even if that means allowing yourself to not be PC.

My biggest problem with egg donation is that the child will have no option of finding out about the genetic mom. We all have questions at some point in our lives about where we came from and why we are who we are. Some adopted kids can contact birth families and have those questions answered. The egg donation programs that I looked at were totally anonymous-- and that's when I stopped considering that option. I'd take a donor egg from my sister, but she's farther over the hill than I am.

Also, I really, really want to have another baby-- but from my one IVF success, I can tell you that pregnancy is no picnic and having a newborn in the house is torture. Ours was colicky and cried constantly for about 6 months. So for me adoption (of a 9 month old) would be better than egg donation.

2/25/2009 4:35 PM
We have just experienced the same situation and have decided to use donor sperm. We are going it a shot and will have the IUI on Saturday. When the doctor first suggested this, DH was totally set against this since he is not sterile but has other issues. Now that we have been down the IVF road three failed times your sights change. If having a child is important to you be open to all the options after you have exhausted all of your own. When you carry that baby, experience the pregnancy and give birth it is YOUR child.

Wish us luck!

2/25/2009 1:05 PM
Stacy...I am at the same point as you in that I want to see our families traits in our little one.

Our doctor has suggested an egg donor....but I just can't go there.

I know that genetically, it will be half our child....but unfortunately, I already have that! It is called two step-children. They are from my husbands sperm and some other womans eggs.

I just can't get past that.

2/25/2009 11:02 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm new to these forums but not to ttc. It is going on 11 yrs ttc #2. Long story short I made some mistakes and my Dr.s made some.

I am now with an RE, have been these last 3 yrs. I have a question for all of you. At the beginning my RE was leaning towards the need for me to IVF because of some conditions. I have done the clomid route and injections with timed bd and IUI. I recently had a m/c and when I asked about possibly doing IVF he suggested that it wouldn't ge a good way for me to go. So I am confused. What would be some reasons for not going on to IVF. I have thought that maybe I have poor egg quality and that may be the reason? I know I need to consult with him, but wanted to get someone elses thoughts.

It has become frustrating and I am trying to decide which way to go. This may also be my last yr. in ttc, so I want to be aggressive in treatment.


2/24/2009 9:13 PM
Hi Stacy,

I'm 43 and currently in the thick of my 2nd IVF cycle. The first one was last year with my own eggs, and it didn't work. So now I'm doing a donor egg cycle. I'm very excited and hopeful...and grateful.

I can tell you that it's amazing how your mind and opinions change as your options dwindle. At first (last year), I was totally against the donor egg route. I had problems getting my head around it, wondering how I could love someone else's child? I thought it wouldn't feel like my own baby. I was also mourning the loss of being able to continue my part of the family tree. A lot of emotions running around there.

But then I got to thinking about it more when I had to (because of failed cycle with my eggs), and somehow, I had a change of heart. And it wasn't like I reluctantly agreed to do it. I was totally onboard. Our child will have half of our family's genes (my husband's). My husband has always said he'd support me on whatever I wanted to do. He feels that we all come from the same family anyway - God's family. He says we are all related -- all of us in the world. I know it might sound corny on the surface, but it's pretty profound.

So I am doing a donor cycle right now and very excited. I have no regrets. I don't feel weird about it. It's MY baby and no one else's. Sure, I will always wonder about what it would have been like to have my own genetic child, but this will be my biological child in a sense.

Please really consider it before you get totally turned off. We also did counseling that was helpful. It brought up what to expect, what to consider in making the decision, and how to handle things once the baby was born.

Good Luck with your decision!

2/24/2009 8:30 PM
lbandbuggy, what clinic did you go through??? To have the money refunded if no live birth, I have never heard of that. I would like to look into that if at all possible.

2/24/2009 6:21 PM
Stacy, how is the quality of your eggs? 4 would be enough, even if only 1 fertilized. I wish you good luck. No, you are not selfish. I'm sure you would be able to love any child but the "genetic" part is sooooooo interesting... We've been dreaming for almost 15 years with my husband about how our kids would look like. His big lips? My uptight nose? I totally understand your reaction. And mine is so: why go through a pregnancy if it's not YOUR genes? for me adopting or having an egg donor is the same. What if the baby doesn't look anything like his dad but does look like the egg woman? than you went trought a whole pregnancy to have the same result as an adopting kid...

2/24/2009 5:44 PM
Wait, wait!! That is on this forum! You know what I am talking about!

2/24/2009 5:42 PM
Sorry about the boob job comment, I was just reading the "Success Stories" and it had a story about a boob job being covered by insurance because of depression. That chick doesn't know what depression is...she should go thru this!

2/24/2009 5:39 PM
Hi, I am 35 and we have been trying to have kids for 3 years now. I had a miscarriage and a tubal pregnancy before we decided to consult a fertility doctor last April. We did 3 rounds of Clomid, 1 round of shots with an IUI then went directly to IVF because of my age. The IVF was in January, I had 4 follicles but only one egg that grew. It was an emotional rollercoaster of a month. Eventually we just canceled at the end of the IVF cycle and had an IUI done instead, that saved us 1/2 the IVF cost. I am starting up the birth control for our next IVF cycle in March. I don't have much hope, it hurts so much to have it crushed. The worst part of the whole thing is taking that pregnancy test.

The doctor said I just don't have eggs. In January the cost of the meds were almost equal to the cost of the IVF cycle. She suggested adoption or an egg donor, but I am having a hard time accepting those solutions. I want a baby that I can say "She has my eyes or lips or nose." I don't know if I can love an egg donor baby like I would my very own. Doesn't that sound selfish?

Maybe I should look into a boob job instead.... not!

2/24/2009 4:28 PM
I posted on the money/stress link about the refund or shared risk program, so thought I would add it in here as well:

If at all possible, look into a clinic that offers a refund or shared risk program. I paid $20k for 6 IVF tries. This includes all sonograms, labs, embryo freezing and storage, but does not cover medicine. This is for fresh or frozen cycles. For instance, I did 1 fresh cycle, and had 7 embryos left to freeze. The 1st cycle was a positive, but the pregnancy ended at 5 weeks. My 2nd cycle was a frozen transfer, that did not work at all. I am currently in the 2 week wait for my 3rd frozen cycle, which used up all of my remaining embryos. If this cycle does not work, I still have 3 more tries left, and will have to start over with a new fresh cycle. If there is not a live birth at the end of 6 tries, I get 100% of my money back. I believe that some clinics have a variation of this, so I was fortunate to find a good clinic with 100% refund.

The only way you would lose money is if the 1st round of IVF works, and it resulted in a live birth, but that is not really losing, IMO! Although the initial amount of money was staggering to me at first, I am so glad we decided to go for the refund program. I am also in the middle of an international adoption, so knowing that if the IVF doesn't work out, that we get our money back, is just such great peace of mind, and makes the process a bit easier. Even if this cycle turns out negative, knowing I have 3 more tries with essentially not having to pay any more money, makes it a bit easier to take.

I do know that not everyone qualifies for these programs. I am very fortunate that I fit into my clinics guidelines, but just wanted to point them out to people who may not know.

2/20/2009 12:52 PM
Thanx lcgl......I needed a good laugh!

I am soooooo with you on the Twinkie-eaters and smokers.

2/19/2009 3:52 PM
There is no justice. That boob job thing is so tragically unjust that it is funny.

I take care of patients all day long (most of whom I care so much about). Everyday there are a handful of patients that piss me off so much because they come in with self inflicted problems (like the super obese that ride around in Jazzy chairs paid for by you-and-me-taxpayers because their knees hurt from carrying an extra ton or so and then they complain about their little copays, but they apparently have plenty of money for Twinkies) that are covered by insurance. Don't even get me started on smokers.

Meanwhile, all I want is a family. I have to lie to my employers about where I'm going to make RE appts. because they would not be into it. And zero coverage, even though I'm responsible enough to have insurance. You are all way too familiar with the story.

2/19/2009 11:15 AM
Shared Risk is not available to everyone. There are criteria that you have to meet before being accepted.

The toughest one is A-G-E. Once you pass that hurdle...then there are medical qualifications.

So again, I compare fertility packages to Las Vegas. Those places in Vegas did not get the glamor a glitz from paying out. They set the house rules in their favor.

I get so frustrated because a co-worker just had a BOOB job because her doctor deemed it as a necessary procedure for her metal heatlh and self esteme! And the insurance approved it! And this is a lady with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. She simply suffered bouts of depression and such, so she got free boobs!

And the company that I work for is from the Netherlands. Their insurance is like Canada's in that it is government paid. And they can get IVF as a treatment!

And I remain frustrated as I continue to pay off bills from the IVF and the D&C and the lab work and the doctors visits...etc. All the while planning and plotting how to pay for the next round. Sometimes it is hard to justify wanting to try again, but then I put it into perspective for myself and my Dear Husband this way....we sent one of his daughters to a private Catholic school for $6000 a year and she ended up getting kicked out due to poor grades and now attends public school. So why not fund my dream instead!?!?!

2/18/2009 2:42 PM
My husband has not done all the math either, but he has regular panic attacks about the cost anyway. I have devised all kinds of ways to justify it. One of my favorites is to compare it to the cost of a house. The median home cost in the US is $230K. A large percentage of people who seek IVF are educated and waited to have children-- the same demographic who would spend more than average on a house. So I tell my husband, "you want to spend that big pile of money on a house, but you panic about spending this comparatively small pile of cash on someone to put in it? Where are your priorities?"

2/18/2009 2:08 PM
ICGL - Thanks for the info. I heard that Knoxville is also home to the National Embryo Donation(?) Center. Someone said it is a storage site for embryos, waiting for adoption. I actually go this information at a regular adoption seminar.

I wish we had a shared risk program in Nashville, because we've spent about $50-$60k so far! I keep up with the money and my husband knows the costs we've incurred because he was in the meetings up front. But I think he's lost track of it and the accumulating (additional) costs, because you give out $600 here, $2500 there, etc. If I were to tell him our current tally, he'd fall over.

2/17/2009 8:42 PM
I live in the state of Utah. We had our IVF done at the Research Park at the University of Utah. The program that will pay for everything is called The Miracle Fund. You have to fill out an application and give them your last 2 or 3 years W2 forms. It is funded solely by donations given to them so they are very strict on their guidelines. The person to contact is Esther Marie Pherrin at 801-587-8303 or She is located at School of Medicine
30 North 1900 East, Suite 2B200
Salt Lake City, Utah 84132-2209
I hopes this helps someone. We were excited to try this, but because I was turning 40 within a year we were rejected. It take about 6 months to process your application ( it has to go through several committees for approval). At least that is what they told us.

My husband seems to be the same way as many of yours. He doesn't even think twice about us not having a child. The day we found out the IVF didn't work I cried and cried. I called my mom and cried and cried. My husband didn't even shed a tear. It was as if it didn't bother him. Is this just the way men deal with things?
I was upset with him for a little while because I didn't understand how this was not upsetting to him. I work in a day care taking care of infants all day, I love it, but it also reminds me of the baby we never got. I do have the pictures they take of the embryos that divided. I guess that is as close as I will get to having children.

2/17/2009 5:45 PM
Girlatheart, we were in Knoxville and went to Dr. Donesky. He's great. I love their clinic because it's small and they know you and they try to be accomodating-- but they do enough volume to be good.

Also, I just signed up for another shared risk program for 3 IVF and up to 3 FET in Atlanta (we moved again) for $27,650-- yikes. The good thing is that you get 70% back if no baby. So you can have some money left to adopt, or take a vacation to the caribean to forget your pain.

2/17/2009 3:33 PM
Alex, tell about the place that pays for IVF if you are approved. Where is this place?

2/17/2009 1:23 PM
GIRLATHEART - I know how you feel about feeling like you are all alone in this. I have a wonderful husband who supports and loves me so much but it doesn't seem like he understands how much I think about having children. It seems like his daily life goes on but I feel like I am stuck "on hold" until we actually get pregnant. I also struggle with the guilt of not being able to give my husband children and knowing that the medical cause is my fault "ovulation problem".

After Clomid, surgery, Clomid/Follistim injections and 3 IUI's. My husband finally decided we would do IVF but we are just trying to figure out how to pay for it. Any ideas? I have heard about the shared cycle plan. (I think that is right) It is where you can pay one amount and get 3-6 IVF cycles. Does anyone know how much the flat rat is?

I am so scared about feeling guilty if the IVF doesn't work! Good luck to you all.

2/17/2009 10:59 AM
ICGL - I noticed you said you were in Tennessee. Do you mind telling me which clinic you used and which city?

2/17/2009 10:39 AM
Alex, you're not stepping on anyone's toes by asking about the financial aspects of treatment. It's a big part of the tremendous pressure of this ordeal. Totally stinks to make major financial sacrifices and run around to a gazillion appointments for what other people accomplish with a $10 bottle of wine and a 15 minute time commitment.

I was in residency when we started this adventure. So I moon lighted to pay for the many IUI's. Then when we were ready to do IVF, my father-in -law gave us money for a shared risk/ up to 3 IVF program. Which is why my son is named after him (via the buy yourself a namesake program). By the time we were ready to try again we are both finished with residency and making more money. I'm grateful that we are in a position to buy some hope for a sibling for our son. But that doesn't mean I like handing over a third of my income to support my drug habit.

2/17/2009 8:54 AM
Alex, we paid for our IVF treatments 100% out of pocket. This means we dipped big time into our savings. It is frustrating to pay all that money, only to have it fail. I know.

New Subject -

You wrote:
"So our next option was foster care with the intent to adopt. Nothing has come from that yet, but our families are against this idea all together. We really want to be parents, but I don't see this happening. My emotions are all over the place. I have to come to terms with this, but it is so hard."

So you said that your families are against the foster care-adopt idea. Wow! That's pretty heavy. Honestly, it is not their decision to make. It's yours. It's between you and your husband. Your families should be supportive of whatever you feel you need to do. It's pretty unfair for them to impose their beliefs and opinions on you. You are already in an emotional turmoil. You should reconsider and decide what is best for you both - and then tell no one of your decision, if it makes it easier. Surround yourself with allies and supporters!

We decided to keep our IVF a secret from everyone except my older sister (who is out of state). She has been a big source of support for us.

2/16/2009 9:05 PM
I really don't want to step on anyone's toes or pry into your lives, but how do you pay for so many IUI's, meds, and the numerous IVF's? We could only afford 1 IVF and we are in debt now. Is there something out there that helps with all the expenses?

2/16/2009 6:59 PM
Does anyone know how to send a private message to one of the members? Am I dumb? Because I just can't seem to find the box, although I got a private message when I joined.

2/16/2009 4:34 PM
Unfortunately for me, I am a veteran at IVF. I'm getting ready to start stimulation again, and I'd like to have a little support this time so I'm sharing my story here.

I'm 37 y.o. and we started fertility treatments when I was 32 with 4 rounds of clomid/ IUI, then 4 rounds of follistim/IUI, then laparoscopic exploration which yielded nothing, then 3 more rounds of follistim/IUI-- all of that never produced a pregnancy or a diagnosis (just a headache and empty bank account).

So we started IVF when I was 33 (almost 34) in New Orleans where we were living at the time. I produced piles of eggs and most fertilized, but on day 3 we had just a few scrawny looking embryos and Hurricane Katrina was about to make landfall, so we shoved 'em into my womb and evacuated to Baton Rouge. No pregnancy.

Then we moved to Tennessee (high ground) and started another go. This time I managed to get 6 blasts. Two were transferred, and I was pregnant with a singleton. I was stunned, and overjoyed and terrified that I would lose the pregnancy. But all went well and I have a naughty 2 1/2 year old boy who is the light of my life.

Last spring we did 2 FET's with the frosties from my son's batch, but no pregnancy.

Last summer we did another fresh cycle-- 22 ova, 17 fertilized, but at day 3 they were scrawny (2 7-cell with mild fragmentation and the others 5-6 cells), transferred 4, but no pregnancy.

I'm a cynic by nature, and I think that modern pharmacology is much better than ancient, natural blah, blah, blah. But I'm giving adjunctive therapies a whirl anyway. I've been doing yoga which is great regardless of fertility status and acupuncture which is the most deeply relaxing thing you can imagine.
(I will find a reason to do acupuncture after I have this issue resolved.) And I'm taking arginine which I think is malarkey. I'm on lupron now, and will start follistim next week.

Wish me luck.

2/16/2009 3:49 PM
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for close to 4 years now. Within the last year we've done 3 rounds of clomid/IUI with my ob-gyn before she referred us to a specialist. Since the referral we've gone through one complete process with our new doctor, which included clomid/follistim combo IUI - during which I was complimented on how many follicles I had (what an odd compliment), or in other words, I responded really well to the treatment. Needless to say we got our hopes up big time, and were horribly disappointed when it didn't work yet again. Since then (October), I've had cysts as a result of the treatment, so have not been able to go through another round. Finally this month there were no cysts so we're trying the whole combo approach yet again... this will be our 4th IUI within the year.

Earlier we told some close friends what we were going through, but since then I have told them we are no longer trying.... it's so draining having it brought into every conversation. I often wonder if my husband thinks about it half as much as I do - but I've found that ttc consumes most of my waking thoughts and am totally frustrated. We've been asked so many times when we're going to have kids, and it's frustrating that people don't understand that it's just not always that easy as deciding "let's have a kid." I'm praying that this round of treatment goes well, but at the same time don't want to get my hopes up...

Good luck to you all. I have friend who went through this and finally had twins with IVF after 7 years of trying... talking to her actually made me hopeful again. So, despite this long and often lonely process, let's hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us.

2/15/2009 4:50 PM
Alex - I am not sure your doctor gave you all the latest information. I am also 39, turning 40 in May and my doctor says my chances are very good with IVF. It is my last option, unfortunately, because on my first cycle of IUI with Follistim in December I had a double ectopic pregnancy and had to have both of my fallopian tubes surgically removed. There are lots of websites with statistics about age and chances of successful pregnancy. Check them out and find a reproductive endrocinologist who is on the cutting edge. Everyone is different, but I hope you are lucky and with the right treatment succeed!

2/15/2009 2:04 PM
Dear GirlAtHeart, I read your story and as per all of you, I cross my fingers. Today at the infertility clinic it was packed... I felt sorry for all these couples because I know... Ohhh I know how it is. Best of Luck to all of us !

2/14/2009 3:38 PM
Although we haven't done adoption, we looked into it, plus someone we know adopted oversees.

She said the best place to start was the State Department because they have a list of credible agencies. She said going oversees wasn't that difficult. But she did say you really have to get all your paperwork together - duplicate or triplicate originals of your marriage certificates, past divorce certificates, your & husband's birth certificates, etc. The whole thing took her two years.

She also said that foreign adoption is closed - meaning once it's done, there is no take-back by the birth mother. The downside is that you get the kids a little older because of the red-tape. There's no such thing (she thinks) as getting an infant overseas.

I read somewhere that Guatemala and another country (sorry, can't think of it) are tops in pre-natal and child "nutritional" care, so children coming from that country are well-nourished.

Again, all this is second hand information.

2/14/2009 1:30 PM
I would love more information from anyone who has done the adoption process. Where do we start and who can we go through? We are eager to to do whatever it takes, but at a reasonable cost.

2/13/2009 10:39 PM
Believe it or not, I'll be 44 this year and never tried to have children before. It was just not on my radar. About two years ago, having a child started to weigh on my heart. All of a sudden, I really wanted children. I had to break it to my husband (he already has two college-age girls from a previous marriage). Surprisingly, he was receptive, thank goodness. So even though he wasn't thinking about any more children, he was okay with it.

My husband had a vasectomy 20 years ago, so we had to do a sperm aspiration (needle in the testicle) in May of 2008 and freeze his sperm, which went well.

So we did our first IVF cycle in 6/08 using my eggs, but only one fertilized and transferred. Sadly, it didn't work out. The doc blamed egg quality. We took the summer off and decided to try again. So we just completed IVF cycle #2 using donor eggs. Twelve were retrieved, five fertilized and two were implanted. We weren't able to freeze the remaining three embryos because they didn't make it to the blastocyst stage (and thus wouldn't survive a thaw, according to my IVF nurse coordinator).

Even though my reproductive journey has been short compared to the rest of you ladies, it is still difficult. I was completely unprepared to learn that the first IVF cycle failed. It was very hard to take. I'm just hopeful that this current cycle works.

I find myself a little worried. What if this doesn't work? We have had to pay for everything out-of-pocket. We've spent close to $50,000 so far. I don't think we could afford to do any more.

I'm cautiously happy and hopeful. Just just trying to be realistic and keep a level head. No one knows except my older sister, so my husband and I are in this by ourselves. And he's not completely tuned into the whole thing. I mean, he's come to the appointments, and has even given me some shots, but ultimately, I feel a little alone. I think I'm obsessing about it more than he is. I'm sure he thinks about it, but probably not half as much as I do.

So my current status is: 2/10/09 transfer with two donor egg-embryos. Clinic said they looked "pretty good...phenomenal." I'm supposed to do my Beta on 2/20/09 but will wait until the 23rd because we'll be out of town. I couldn't bear to take a home preg test while traveling.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm very happy that I have two embryos inside me right now. I'm just a little scared.

I just needed to share. Thanks.

2/13/2009 5:42 PM
Alex...$100,000 is ridiculous for an adoption fee!!!! I did a private adoption and it cost us around $11,000 total! That was with having to terminate rights on two potential birth fathers that weren't cooperative! It would have been even less if that had gone smoothly! By the way, the federal government allows a tax CREDIT (not a deduction, an actual credit) up to $10,800 for adoption expenses. So, we wound up getting pretty much all of our money back (okay, minus $200, but compared to the cost of raising a child, what is $200?)! I'm not sure where you live, but I think it would definately be worth exploring other agencies. The Dave Thomas Foundation (founder of Wendy's) is a great place to get some solid information about adoption when you are just starting out! I really think that our adoption journey was the most amazing experience that we have ever had! We are better people for what we learned through the process. God can do some pretty amazing things in a broken situation if you allow Him!

2/13/2009 10:54 AM
Hi I am not new to infertility but to sharing my experience on forums is quite new to me. I will be 30 ( I am so tired of people telling me that I have plenty of time) this year and me and my husband has been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now. I have been through 2 years of clomid, a laparoscopy that did not produce any results and 3 IUI with follistim injections. My husband always said he would not do IVF which at the time I agreed but after 5 years it is so frustrating not to have any results. I know God can give us the child we so desire to have but I also believe he uses others to help us. I have my depressed "crying" times and my angry "it isn't fair" times and he does not know how to help me. I believe that is harder for him than anything. He is an man and they don't always show how they feel which frustrates me more. This Christmas my husband gave me a complete nursery; crib, armoire and dresser style changing table. He told me that we needed to start our nursery and he would do whatever it took this year for us to have a child. Adoption or IVF. I was so excited!! We are saving our money and hopefully by June or July we will be able to afford the expensive procedure. I am a little nervous about the procedure. Good luck to you all!

2/12/2009 11:19 PM
Alex, where in the world told you $100,000 for adoption? That is outrageous! There are a lot of good agencies out there that are far less expensive. There's the Gladney Home in Fort Worth for one. Let me know if you want some others & I'll ask some friends that I know adopted.

2/12/2009 9:03 PM
I hope everyone has success. My husband and I did the clomid, IUI (several times), and finally did the IVF. I was 38 when we finally did the IVF and the doctors said that I was too old to do this so don't expect it to work. We took out a loan from the bank and did the IVF anyway. With everything we went through (especially me, shots and all that) it didn't work. Since we did this at the University Medical Center , there is a program that pays for all of the IVF . They tell us about this after we found out we were not pregnant and went through all the treatments. We immediantly signed up for the program. We had to wait for our application go to the committee for approval. We were told that we were to old to be accepted and they rejected our application. the dr.s said that we have less than a 1% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own and we can't afford to do the IVF again. We turned to adoption but they want $100,000.00 up front to even look at our application. so our next option was foster care with the intent to adopt. Nothing has come from that yet, but our families are against this idea all together. We really want to be parents, but I don't see this happening. My emotions are all over the place. I have to come to terms with this, but it is so hard.

2/12/2009 7:50 PM
Hey, everyone. Don't give up. I had a total of 6 IUIs the first go round. I got pregnant with my son, Ian, on the 6th one and he just turned 2. He does have Down Syndrome, but that doesn't have anything to do with anything. He's a cutie pie and doing very well.

Originally, I did the Clomid for a couple of cycles and then, went to a fertility specialist. She started me on Follistim AQ which eventually did the trick. Now, we are trying, again. It took 15 months for me to get my cycle back after Ian was born (I breastfed). We tried on our own for awhile & went back to the doctor when it was obvious that we needed more help. I'm 39, now, & I'll be 40 in May. I've gotten pregnant on both of our tries this go round, but both miscarried. I'm going for the third try tomorrow & hopefully it will be the charm.

A lot of doctors will try to steer their patients to IVF because it is their cash cow. I'm sure it may be necessary for some folks, just always know your options. IUI is a lot less expensive.

2/12/2009 7:03 PM
I am with you too. DH and I have been trying for 5 years this month. We had a terrible doctor at first who would only try clomid (with crazy increasing dosages) and basal body temperature. Then I found my current OB/GYN who only tried with us for 6 months before referring us to a reproductive endocrinologist (sp?). We are currently on our 4th month of follistem/lupron/IUI. We had the IUI today. My dr. only wants to do 4 months, so hopefully this one will work. He is talking GIFT for our next procedure, but infertility is not covered by our insurance, so we may be looking at adoption instead.

2/12/2009 4:47 PM
I am right there with you ladies! My husband and I have been trying for nearly 7 years now. It has been an emotional roller coaster. We stopped trying for a while and pursued adoption, which resulted in our amazing little girl who is now three and a half years old! About a year ago, we decided to pick back up and give fertility treatments a try. We tried naturally for 6 months, then moved on to injections. I will be having my 3rd IUI this month. I'm just trying to hang in for one more....hoping it is the last one that I will need!

2/12/2009 11:55 AM
I think I know what you feel as I have been enduring the same for 5 years too. In October we decided to try IUI (insemination) but after 3 temptatives (attemps? excuse my English), we were told that as per my results, the only way to conceive would be in-vitro. So I started January 26 the first Lupron injection and now I am almost at the retrieval time (a little scared though) and so far everything seems ok. Just a little slower to react to the medicine as expected. How far are you?
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