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10/27/2012 11:56 AM
Dear cork moody, I am literally hardly ever on these forums, but something possessed me to go into the forum and look at the Donor Surrogacy board while nursing my son...the son I had 6 months ago with the help of a donor egg after 4 previous IVF failures with my own eggs. I have been on all sides of this. I know the fears, the deep sadness of giving up something of yourself to get to an ultimate end goal and I know the anxiety of time passing. I am turning 42 in January. BUT I am here to say that you can still have your dream even though it may come in a different way than you imagined. After 4 years of trying, I am in wonder and in love every day with my little boy and I know he was meant to be ours.

I congratulate you on the strength you've shown in dealing with what you've already gone through. My cycle was cxled twice due to thin lining too and I was drugged up on estrogen in all forms. Finally had success with IM shots of it along with acupuncture treatments and a hysteroscopy where they went in and "roughed up" my lining in an effort to get it to thicken. Something worked amongst these treatments.

My only other advice..can u put feelers out for any other possible surrogates if something should happen and your friend changes her mind?

Thinking of you and wishing you good things.

9/10/2012 1:17 AM
Unlike most of the posts I've read here, my husband and I are not using a DE; apparently, the doctors don't think (fingers crossed) that our embryos are the problem (they're not primo, but capable of creating a life). My lining never thickened to over 6mm and was often barely the triple pattern they like to see. They gave me massive doses of Estrogen to try and increase the lining (patches, vaginal pills and injections all at the same time), but nothing seemed to help. Finally, my doctor tried an experimental, off-label medication/procedure that had only been performed twice at their clinic. The first two who tried it went home with a child; I had no improvement in my lining whatsoever. I also was having extreme pain because of the adenomyosis caused buy the high doses of estrogen. Finally, my RE said that there was nothing else to do but move on to a gestational carrier using my egg and my husband's sperm.

I had a hysterectomy on March 6th of this year. It's strange to think that I will never feel a baby growing inside of me; I will never feel a baby kick...but I suppose the goal is actually having a living, breathing, healthy child, so I need to keep things in perspective and quit lamenting what I cannot have and focus on the ultimate goal.

Right now, I have a friend who is pregnant and due in February. She is excited about the prospect about carrying our child if she successfully delivers problem free. While I am ectatic about this possibility, there are so may things that could go wrong and it seems that I remain in a constant state of fear and apprehension. Also, given the time frame (she won't give birth until Fe, will breastfeed for 6 months and then I must wait 3 more months before she would be able to go through a transfer), it seems like a long time to have daily fear. Again, don't misunderstand me, I know this is my best--my only--chance, but we have been going though IVF for 3 years and it will be another 2 years before I might, MIGHT have the blessing of a child of my own...and that's if everything goes off without a hitch.

I'm frightened and fearful that years of time and energy we have invested is not good for my mental health, especially with a "freeze all" egg retrieval coming up at the end of this month.

Any words of support, encouragement or understanding would mean the world to me. Although my friends do their best to understand, they just don't "get it."

It looks like folks don't post here to often, so I don't really expect a reply, but if someone comes across this and has a moment to respond, please take a moment to do so.

With gratitude,

5/11/2010 3:05 PM
Hi oldmom--Just thinking of you and hoping all goes well with your retrieval, fertilization and transfer. Keep us posted on your progress. I'm sending lots of baby dust your way!

I'm feeling really frustrated and disheartened at the moment. We've almost decided on a donor, but the one I like the best hasn't completed all her testing yet. So if we select her, it'll take another 4 to 6 weeks to even find out if she's approved. The other one we like is a repeat donor and we could move forward right away. But either way, looks like late summer is the earliest I'd be cycling. I was really hoping to do it sooner. I guess the upside is that I get my summer to do whatever I want, run, hike, and climb a lot, go on trips. Last summer I was pregnant (ending in m/c in Sept) so I couldn't do anything. But really, I'd rather be pregnant and give up all those other things!

4/29/2010 12:09 PM
I so wished I had gone with a proven donor, but I was being too picky and didn't see one who was proven who lived up to my standards at the time. Now I feel totally different and could easily pick a few proven donors on the database. I absolutely think Cristeen is 100% right in saying do not over analyze picking your donor; it is an important decision but your future child will also have your DH's traits too.
So, my donor ended up having an E2 level of 10, very low and probably won't have AF or just have spotting so RE is starting her on Gonal-f today. First sono is Monday the 3rd. Hoping she responds well!!! I'm so afraid she won't or that the cycle will be cancelled for some reason. They told me ER will be around May 10th or 11th. It will be a 5 day transfer. Here we go! Hanging on here! Lol


4/27/2010 10:12 PM
We should have our ER on June 5th. They calculated our cycle based on what she did in Jan when she did her first cycle. Let's hope she does as well. They got 22 eggs from that cycle. I think she starts stims on May 26th which will be 10 days. I believe 8-10 days is the norm.

As far as choosing a donor, we picked one and she decided it wasn't the right time for her. The one we are using kinda "fell into our lap". Our coordinator suggested her after the first choice wasn't going to happen. We decided to go with her mainly because she is a proven donor. Had I gone with photos, I probably wouldn't have went right to her. I am nervous that she really doesn't resemble me but I believe things happen for a reason. She seems intelligent, is in grad school and is obviously selfless and giving to go through this regime again! So we are hoping for the best!! THank God for women like her! I say try not to over analyze picking the donor..I know it is a serious decision but don't make yourself crazy...go with your heart!!! Good luck!

4/27/2010 7:59 PM
Cristeen- I've always wondered what the antagonist cycle was.....just a cycle with different stims? I didn't have Lupron on my own egg cycle-took the bcps then started Follistim and Menapur mixed. I've always had an interest in being a L&D nurse but never acted on it. Do you have an idea of approximately when your ER will be?

Sal - My DH and I were so picky the first few times we went thru the agency's database. We had picked one donor and that didn't work out, so we had to go thru again and start all over and be a little more lenient, so to say. And I have already gone thru a third time picking another one as back up in case this cycle fails! Is that bad? I shouldn't do that, I guess. I'm surprised that I didn't have that hard of a time accepting DE, maybe because I have 3 children already? But I really wanted to have one with my DH but my way of thinking was I would rather use DE than not have any child with him at all. I have carried three babies and already know that being pg creates a strong bond between mother and baby that is nothing I have ever experienced before.

WannaBe - Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can't even imagine going thru that. Glad to see you are cycling again. Do you post regularly on one of the other boards on here so we can keep updated on your progress? I try to read the General posts but there are so many!!

I myself had a lining check yesterday and am 9.1 and no cysts. Previously had two cysts on the right ovary and one on the left. Lupron worked great! So glad to feel that my body responds to something in its 40's!! lol Trying not to get too excited, though. My donor still has to start stims. So, anyway, my NC wasn't available while I was there, so the nurse who drew my back side circles (for the progesterone) told me that my donor NC would be calling me either that day or today and to call if I hadn't heard from her. So, of course, today after lunch I called and left a message. When she called back, she said my donor, who had taken her last bcp on the 18th, hadn't started AF yet and that her lining at her Lupron start sono on the 12th was only a 4 and that she might not get AF or just light spotting. They are having her go in for bloodwork in the morning and should get results tomorrow afternoon. If her E2 level is below 50, they will have her start stims this Friday or Saturday. I guess this is what they anticipate because she didn't say what they would do if her E2 level was above 50. I'm still anxious to see if/how well she responds to Gonal-F. That is my main concern at this point. I just can't help but think something will go wrong. They tell me she will be on Gonal-F approximately 8-10 that how long it took for anyone else who's done this before? I'm still so new to all this and knew more of what to expect and when. It feels like FOREVER!


4/27/2010 4:36 PM
Hi gals, It is so nice to see so many women here now that are choosing the DE process. When I traveled this road for the first time, I was nearly the only one of this forum using DE.

Just as an update for those of you I don't know yet....I am 42. Never tried to get pregnant until age 40. Been married 10 years & my DH is 10 years older than I. Thought he was done having kids and it took me 8 years of marriage to change his mind. He had a v/s before we ever met so IVF was our best option. Did 3 rounds with my own eggs and BFN each time. Only had 7 eggs and 1 fertilized each time. Did our first DE cycle last summer and became pregnant with twin boys. At 22+ weeks, I lost our boys during preterm labor on January 10, 2010. Both born alive but only lived for a short time. Found out since I have a blood clotting disorder and is treatable with medicine so this won't happen again. Currently cycling again. For the first time ever, Lupron made my body "react" instead of suppress. So, taking the trigger shot tomorrow to hopefully lower my estrogen. Then, in a week, will start back on Lupron and hopefully have our FET the week of June 7th. We have 4 frozen embryos so hoping to transfer 2 again.

I totally understand the sense of "mourning" that many of you have mentioned. I did the same thing. Always wanted children of my own and it was difficult at first to let go of the genetic link. I wondered right up until the time we did the transfer. As soon as I found out I was pregnant though, those feelings all went away. And, I promise you, as soon as I saw my little boys, it was instant, complete love. They were mine and no one elses. Everyone I have spoken to that has used DE has said they felt the same way. I truly think you will too. I really don't even think about the DE thing anymore. Good luck to each of you and I hope God gives you your miracle babies!

4/27/2010 2:52 PM
Hi ladies,

My husband and I have just started going through our clinic's donor database, and the process is honestly, kind of excruiating. We both start off strong, but by the time we turn the computer off, we've both got tears in our eyes. This issue is just so loaded--the culmination of so many treatments and disappointments and mourning my own genetic connection and the creation of "our" child. Did any of you have a really hard time with this process? Any advice on how to get through it without losing my sanity...or deciding to just give up on the whole thing?

To those who cycling now, my thoughts and prayers are with you for a successful outcome!

4/27/2010 8:12 AM
Oldmom...our stories are very similar. In Sept for my 1st cycle, I did the long lupron protocol with follistim. In Jan., I did what's called an antagonist cycle with no lupron, with follistim and ganarelix. Only had a couple follies both times and got cancelled. I was upset and frustrated but in the back of my mind I was prepared for DE. My mother went through menopause around 36 so I knew there was a huge possibility my ovaries were done. I think I accepted it along time ago. I also think I am at an advantage as I am a labor and delivery nurse and I see these babies from donor eggs being born to infertile couples often. I take care of surrogates who are having babies for gay and lesbian couples, women who have had IVF and many patients who have dealt with infertility. Also, many of my coworkers have dealt with infertility and 2 have been surrogates in the last couple years for infertile couples. The topic is very open at work and I have many nurses and OBGYN's that I work with I can talk to.Took care of a patient recently who did IVF multiple times and was finally having her 2nd child at age 48!!!! Got to be there for that delivery and the baby boy was perfect!

Started the bcp yesterday...feeling so many emotions. I'm scared about it not working and having to deal with that. I had my other babies at 23,25,and 27 yrs old. Never had to experience loss or it not working. Got pregnant that last time when I was planning on getting divorced...was not planned! Thank God for him today because he is wonderful. My point is that last time I got pregnant, it was completely without trying! And now we have so much time, emotion, and money invested in's really nerve racking. I keep going back and is a 60% success rate for my age group- my lining responds well, my uterus is normal with no surgeries or fibroids and my DH has had extensive testing on his sperm and his is good! All the odds are in our favor! But I know it's in God's hands. I have said a thousand times "I wish I had a crystal ball"!!! Told my DH we should find out right around Father's Day if we're pregnant...he had tears in his eyes!! He so deserves to be a father...he loves my kids and takes great care of them with me but I can't help but think God will grant him this gift of his own child that he can experience from day 1!

4/25/2010 7:49 PM
Wow, Cristeen! Our background stories are almost identical! I had a tubal as well after my third child. I only did one cycle using my own eggs, which I didn't respond to well at all ( 2 eggs!). We were gonna try one more cycle and then do DE but I thought our best use of our money was DE. Cristeen, what stims were you on? I was on a combination of Follistim and Menopur.

At first I couldn't believe my eggs were not gonna work! I'm not as worried about the potential child looking like me as I was about my husband thinking he had this child with someone else. At first I was even telling him not to look at the donor pics! My way of thinking was he might see the child as his and hers, even though he told me I was crazy.

Everyone stay in touch! Baby dust to you all! Sal, let us know when you get your donor picked!!


4/24/2010 9:59 PM
Hi Ladies - sounds like we all might be on a similar schedule for our DE cycles. I just started Lupron today and donor retrieval is tentatively set for 5/15. I'm so excited, but am trying to remain grounded as well. I'm sure you can all relate!

As I had 2 prior failed IUI cycles and and recently turned 46, I accepted that if I really wanted to have a child and start a family, I'd need to go the donor egg route. I still think about the fact that my child won't have any of my features or coloring, but having come from a large family myself (I have 6 siblings), I know there are a lot of factors that contribute to a person's personality and outlook on life outside of genetics. I'm hopeful I can provide a good home and set of experiences that help to mold my child into a bright, confident, well rounded individual. In the end, for me, that outweighs a natural desire to have something of a mini-me

Well, ladies - good luck in your cycles and keep us all posted on your progress!

4/24/2010 7:19 PM
Hey ladies...I am also doing a DE cycle now and thought I would share. I have had 2 cancelled cycles as I have been a poor responder. I will be 40 May 16th. I have three kids from a previous marriage and my current DH has no children. I had a tubal ligation after my last child. We moved to DE and picked a donor. She decided it wasn't a good time to do a cycle after the agency contacted her about being chosen. I was crushed and thought maybe we were just messing with fate and this wasn't suppose to happen. But the agency suggested another donor and we decided to go for it. She did a donor cycle this past Jan., got 22 eggs and the couple is pregnant. She just got her AF and has started BCP and Lupron. I am waiting for my AF and will start BCP. The projected date for ER is June 5th with the transfer to be the 8th or 10th.

I am really excited,nervous,anxious,scared,etc!! I'm sure you can relate. I've been worried about her not looking much like me and how I'm really gonna feel if this works! It's DH is pretty excited. We really have just this one shot as we are paying everything out of pocket. Let's keep in touch!

4/23/2010 4:30 PM
I think I started bcps and Lupron 1-2 weeks before the donor, that's about how far apart we were in our cycles, and think it's all up to her. My guess is once she starts bcps that it's about 4-5 weeks until retrieval if everything goes the way it's supposed to. It just seems so long!! My RE will not use a donor who is under 21 years of age, and he said to choose a donor who has not donated more than three times. I think the age thing is for maturity/legal reasons and I haven't asked about the reason for how many times they've donated. I've seen a few donors on my agency's database who have donated 4-5 times. I'm guessing it has to do with quanitiy of eggs? I have an appt. this Monday for a lining check and I'm gonna ask them why to choose someone who's only donated less than three times.

Yes, it does seem like the donors go through a lot to get approved for donation. Thank goodness!! I really started out looking for a donor with some of my characteristics, fair, blonde, blue eyes, etc. but now I'm at the same level as's ok if she has my husband's traits (brown hair and eyes, medium complexion) but definitely want someone not on the shy side as I have a 9 year old with asperger's syndrome.

I'll keep ya posted; you do the same!!


4/23/2010 11:07 AM
How long is the cycle from when you and the donor start BCP and/or Lupron to retrieval? Now that we're getting close to being ready, I'm kind of getting impatient and just want to do it already! But I know that picking the donor is a big hurdle--and an important one. Don't second-guess your choice. It sounds like you picked her for all the right reasons, and I'm sure she will do just fine. We're hoping to use one of the in-house donors at our clinic, and the majority of them are first timers. But they get put through so many tests and have to jump through so many hoops to get approved, that apparently it's very rare for one of them to not work out. Fingers crossed anyway!
As for what we're looking for in the donor...I really don't know. I'm not looking for a clone of myself, and honestly wouldn't mind if she had my husband's coloring (fair, blond, blue eyes) instead of my dark hair and eyes. Not sure how I feel about the child looking like me, but not being genetically mine. you know what I mean? So I guess the important things to me are that she's intelligent, healthy, and that something about her personality resonates with me. I want to be able to explain to my child someday why I picked her and how great she was.
Anyway, please keep me posted on your cycle. I'll be living vicariously for now!

4/23/2010 9:58 AM
Hi Sal!
Still cycling here! I'm now on a reduced shot of Lupron, .05 ml I think? And just started taking 3 Estrace tablets a day, 2 mg. My donor, the last I heard, took her last bcp on the 18th then has to wait on AF to start up, then starts stims. I'm extremely anxious to see how well she responds on stims because she had been on bcp's for several years and now that I've had, like ages and ages to sit around and think about it, I should have chosen a proven donor. I'm just praying I didn't make a mistake in my choice, but trying to stay positive! I really kinda feel like I half way know my donor through what my agency has been able to tell me about her and hope it works out with her. She is excited about this donation and stated in her profile she is not planning on having children of her own, adopting a child in need. This is my first donor cycle, well really second if you count my first donor who withdrew after flying out here for her initial appointment with my RE. She was a student and didn't think her professor would excuse all the appointments involved. Just wished she would have found that out beforehand. So, it has seemed like this process has dragged out even longer!! Keep me updated on your status! What characteristics/traits are you looking at in a donor?


4/20/2010 5:11 PM
Hi Oldmom! I'm even older (about to turn 45), and still not yet a mom. But I'm hopeful that will change! We're in the process of picking our donor now and hope to cycle in June. How are things going with yours so far? I hope it is smooth sailing. The road to using a donor egg is not an easy one. And even though I still have my moments of sadness that this is the route we need to take, I have to believe that once we hopefully have a child, that sadness will be replaced with so much happiness! keep me posted on your progress.

4/16/2010 3:42 PM
Hello everyone!

New to this board, found it after my first fertility pharmacy sent me a generic email. I think the concept of using donor eggs is a process you have go through. There was no way I was using donor eggs, the idea was to have a child who was part me and part my husband and he felt the same way. But since I have three children by two separate marriages and he didn't yet have any, I accepted the idea of donor eggs. I have also read somewhere that the child is your biological child, just not your genetic child. I also feel that that child would have never in a million years existed if it were not your desire to have it. I have to admit, I still sometimes wonder if I ever will feel, hey this is not my child, but I have not yet gone through this situation.....yet!

I'm currently in the middle of a donor egg cycle. We tried one IVF cycle of our own and produced 2 eggs on the highest dosage of stims. I tured 43 last November and had a tubal ligation after my third child. We were going to try one more time with our own eggs, but my insurance does not cover the drugs or anything that is not "diagnostic", which we had already gone through and used up. I've been on Lupron since the 31st and Estrace since yesterday. My donor just started Lupron this week and will take her last bcp this Sunday, wait for AF, then start stim meds and it will be approximately 8-10 days from there for retrieveal. I'm extremely nervous, this will be her first donation and my RE said she seemed very responsible and like a good donor. I guess since I didn't respond to the meds, I feel like something is going to go wrong again. Everything seems to be about timing. Thanks for listening!!

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